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How to tell my ex

29 replies

Bobty123 · 16/09/2022 19:03

I’ve been separated from kids mother about 6 years now and I’ve been seeing my new partner for 8 months. We can both see a really great future together and want to move to the next step which would be introducing my twin boys (10) we’ve been happy with how it’s going and neither of us have pushed for this to happen but we feel it’s the right time to introduce.

i know the kids mum will not be happy, she’s always been of the opinion I should never introduce our kids to anyone new and I should keep my romantic life separate from our children, meaning when I don’t have the kids only then can I see and spend time with my new partner and when I have the kids no one else should be there.

i don’t agree with this thinking and as said I want to introduce my new partner to my children so we can start spending small amounts of time together to build a relationship between them. Again, we are both happy to take it slowly with small meetings and activities together and we’ve both said she will be a new friend that I’ve been spending some time with and want them to meet and to start, nothing physical around them I.E kissing or hugging.

how should I go about telling my ex this? She isn’t a talker face to face as she will scream and shout and probably become abuse (happened when we were together) so the only way I can think of is to send a message letting her know I have been seeing someone for a while now and it’s going really good and I can see a good future together and want the kids to meet her as a friend of mine. I will let her know beforehand when it will happen and what we will be doing, if she wanted to know this info, as I want to be as open as possible to her as I know everyone is different when it comes to new partners being introduced to their children.

any advice?

OP posts:
Lyd6dg · 29/04/2023 19:48

I am looking for advice as I'm sure someone has gone through the exact same thing. My daughters ex partner she was with him over 4 years . They've a 3 year old n a 15 month old together. He has been extremely abusive to my daughter to the point of strangling her . He spoke to her like s..t in front of my grandchildren he's screamed abuse at her constanly. He's a narcissist. He controlled every aspect of her life . She finally left him n with the help of a domestic abuse counsellor . The same counsellor called the police and as her ex had shotguns n a rifle he was arrested by armed police officers. He still wants control over her life . She has been seperated from him for 6 months now. She recently met her schoolgirl crush and he's a different person all together with her He is respectful n very caring . He has met all my grandchildren they like him n so do I. But he ex has got wind of this n has told her he is keeping the children it's his wkend for them. He's even contacted the kids child minder saying they wont be going back my daughter didn't know about this till the child minder phoned her . He has found out my daughter has a new boyfriend. My daughter phoned the police today n there's nothing they can do n she has to wait till Tuesday before she can even phone a solicitor as its Bank Holiday. Does anyone know what she can do . I want to kill him but it seems I'm not allowed to . He's made my daughters life hell n he shows no signs of stopping . He recently asked her for the kids birth certificates so he can get passports to take them on holiday...this is a man who doesn't take holidays!!!!
Any help or advice I will welcome as I can go up n get the kids with my daughter because she knows what I'm like I will confront him.
Thank you

aaronjj34 · 05/07/2023 01:59

First off, ex is short for the word C/U/N/T. Now let me tell you how this should play. First off you've already been 110% respectful to her wishes. Question is, Do the same rules apply on the other side of the coin?? Any way, You've respected her wishes but at some point, your "new partners" life is going to HAVE to cross paths with your children's at some point. That my friend is LIFE. You and this lovely lady want to enter the next step in your relationship and that includes the introduction to your children. I have a very strong view point that mothers are number one to any child, but that does NOT mean that a father cannot choose how and when to protect their children. We are out of control when the mum wants to assume control but let me tell you now, her feelings on your romantic relations are nothing to do with her, just as much the same as her romances are nothing to do with you. The question you need to ask yourself really is.... Would she ask you permission to introduce the step daddy to the kids and move him in?? As long as those kids, are not only happy, but safe then why are people bumping heads. If you can guarantee that and she still dont like it then she is just jealous of you.

Seddon · 05/07/2023 02:09

Itsnevertheend · 16/09/2022 19:24

Agree ! Don’t ask, just tell her . Do you even need to tell her ? Maybe just ask your children if they would like to meet your partner, even for a coffee and a park walk.

I agree with this:

  1. be child led - tell them you have a girlfriend and ask if they'd like to meet her.
  2. assuming that all goes well, let the ex know before you return them to her.
Seddon · 05/07/2023 02:10

Argh, apologies, I got caught by the woman hating zombie spammer - will report myself!

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