- require the handle, spout, lid, jug and plug to be bought as separate items, each of which becomes obsolete at different times between 2 and 5 years from day of purchase.
- only work with one kind of water in it, and only if the water was put into it in a certain way.
- only be suitable for making EITHER tea OR coffee, not both.
- say "attempting to connect" when you turn it on.
- stop when the water is almost boiled and send it back to stone-cold again, giving you a message which said: "WATER failed to BOIL. Please check defibrillator sprocket and secondary vector valve then re-initialise."
- come up with a message on the side saying "could not BOIL: Configuration Error no.46438383747a".
- require the water to be emptied and the handle, spout, lid, jug and plug each to be separately tested before proceeding.
- be incapable of being mended by a Normal Human Being With Screwdriver, and instead require the intervention of either a) helpdesk person with incomprehensible accent or b) spotty 20something oik with personal hygiene issues muttering technobabble about megabyte filling modems and the STMP-water-ometer being jiggered and the heating element warp drive needing re-configuring.
- need to be scanned every week in case someone had poisoned the water, sabotaged the element or introduced jam into the plug-socket.
- suddenly be incapable of being switched off, and be busy belching steam into the room while you frantically look around for the 4000-page manual.
So, why is the most advanced and expensive item in my house also the most useless, the most high-maintenance and the one which breaks the most often?