Hi folks, first post here. Looking for advice from Mums & Dads.
my relationship of 15 years has literally just ended.
I’m moving out next week as I had to sort out accommodation.
I’m really looking for advice, help and anything from anyone who has gone through the same thing as it has all come as a bit of a shock to me and I’ll be honest, I am struggling to cope with everything.
Not really sure where to start but I’ll try and give as much detail that seems to be relevant.
At the start of the first lockdown we had a major serious argument and I left and stayed with a friend for a few weeks. It was all my fault and I honestly thought we were over. It wasn’t cheating or anything like that but it was serious.
She would then always find a reason to message me and chat, even just general chit chat. About a month after the argument I moved back in and we agreed to wipe the slate clean and move forward and build our relationship again.
Everything seemed fine until Nov last year when I found she had been messaging another guy on Facebook. Nothing sexual but she told him she had been single for 18 months and basically saying I was an arsehole and made up some other things too.
I confronted her and after a few initial lies she admitted she fucked up but that nothing had happened, she got carried away with the attention. Now, it took her 3 days to deleted and block the guy and turns out she had still been messaging him, sending lots of kisses in the messages etc.
All has been good this year, getting on great, we even started talking about getting married and setting a date etc. Then about 6 weeks ago she said she wasn’t feeling happy but didn’t know if it was with us or if it was her new anti-depressants - but - otherwise all was fine.
A couple of weeks after she seemed a bit distant and then 2 weeks ago after a small argument about why she won’t talk to me to let me help her she said we were over.
Since then she said that:
She’s no longer ‘in love’ with me but does love me.
Hasn’t felt right for a while.
I said I’d move out but needed a couple of weeks to get something sorted.
Since then the only time she talks to me is to ask if I’ve got somewhere else.
Goes hot/cold with me.
She says it’s really hard for her and isn’t really eating yet I’ve never seen her upset once.
AND
She unblocked the guy from November and added him again. When I asked she said at first he must’ve made a new page and added her. Then she said she unblocked him but it was him that added her. Then she apologised and said it wasn’t right and she knew it wasn’t and deleted him again.
I lost my job and company car 3 months ago and it’s been since then that she’s went funny with me.
Shes swore on the kids that she hasn’t spoken to this guy or any other guys at all. Hasn’t met anyone else etc but my gut is telling something isn’t right.
Yesterday she was on her day off and said she was meeting her girl friend for a coffee at 10/10:30am. She came back at 1pm. The place is in the town centre or 15/20 min walk, 5 min bus journey.
Her other girl friend picked her up for a chat last night for an hour (which 100% was legit) but she seemed keen to make sure I knew it was her friend and nobody else at night - yet wasn’t like that in the morning. In the morning she said her friend was late and that’s why she took so long. I had messaged this other guy last year to find out if he was aware of me (which he wasn’t) and he is usually online on chat 24/7 but was offline the whole time she was out for ‘coffee’ in the morning and wasn’t on again till about 30 mins after she got home.
I tried to casually ask some questions about how her friend was etc and they were very vague and it just didn’t sit right with me.
Also, she has been going to bed earlier saying she was tired or sore head but sitting on her phone. Turns off her online status on her apps (always been like that and I usually do too). Snapchat location is flicked between on/off.
In the first couple of years of our r/ship we broke up twice because of other guys and I thought we were passed all of this.
She has twice said our break-up is nothing to do with a guy and she hasn’t been talking to any guys either and got angry when I asked but something just isn’t sitting right with me. The way she is acting at home, talking to me and other things make me thing differently.
Am I over-thinking this? Does it sound fishy? How do I ask her about it without it kicking off. I need to know things so I can process it and help me heal instead of going insane. I need the truth and if it is the truth how do I learn to believe it as I’m losing my mind.
I obviously had trust issues at the beginning but had full trust for the majority of our relationship.
Has anyone had similar issues and/or managed to rekindle the love?
Shes the type of person that thinks everything should be sunshine and rainbows always and doesn’t get that everyone gets comfy, everyone goes through times where they think they are unhappy or not “in love” but get through these phases even happier.
Any help/advice welcome and can also give any more info if needed haha
Thanks