A boy asks his granny "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?"
Granny: "Fuck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"
Two snowmen standing in the garden, one turns to the other and says
"can you smell carrots??"
What type of bees make milk?
Boo bees
Bloke walks into a pub and orders a pint. he then takes out a photo from his breast pocket and looks at it then puts it back...he does this everytime he has a pint..
After 8 pints the barman says to him "why do you keep doing that"
The man replies:
"It's a picture of the wife and when she looks good enough to fuck , ill go home"
Its coming up to christmas, Fred has wasted all his money on gambling. He is so desperate for cash he resorts to just asking shops, pubs and restaurants if they have any jobs they need doing. He goes into a pub and asks the landlord if he has any jobs that need doing, the landlord replies "Well, I have a pitbull out the back with a bad tooth that needs pulling out and my dear 90 old Gran upstairs is ever so horny since me grandad died, would you sort her out too? I'll pay you well!"
So Fred, who is desperate for cash by now agrees. He has a few whiskies on the house first for courage and goes out the back.
All manner of bad noise ensues, barking, shouting, yelping and crying but eventually Fred comes back in, bleeding from the arms and legs, bruised all over, clothes ripped to bits and says "Right then, where's this granny with the bad tooth?"
What the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?
One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak
Wife gets naked and says to her husband.
"what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
husband looks her up and down and says to her.
"your fucking sense of humour"