Toddler disruptive in groups

[Joe2304]

Hi all,

my wife and I recently separated and our son 2 years 10 months seemed to have taken it in his stride mostly. He’s a bright and articulate lad for his age, doesn’t fully understand what’s happened but has adapted fairly well.

He goes to a childminder, great set up with lots of activities every day. He’s now causing issues for group activities and story time and disrupting the class wanting to run around etc, and tantrums have now kicked in big time after having not been that bad previously with them.

The childminder has flagged it, and alluded to issues with concentration, I think she’s suggesting adhd. 1 on 1 he concentrates well, he sits still although not for too long, eye contact is fine so I’m thinking it’s not adhd. Main issue is causing havoc when everyone else is trying to sit down and listen to a story or do whatever activity it might be.

Should I be worried or is this to be expected at his age? Anybody have similar with theirs…? If so when did they settle down? He has a lot of energy but always thought that was a good thing. Any similar experiences would be good to hear.

Cheers

I would say this is perfectly normal behaviour for a 2-3 year old. My son is just over four and really it was only towards the age of four that he could concentrate for longer, was interested in learning/concentrating and took instruction consistently (mostly!).

It really doesn't sound like anything to worry about. There is a chance he's abit discombobulated by the seperation or a late reaction but just speak to him about it, watch his play at home to see if any clues. Or he could just be going through a defiant stage, testing boundaries etc.

Mine way WAAAAYYYY worse with tantrums approaching three and just after than the 'terrible twos'!

Thanks for this that’s reassuring to hear. My gut says the same. There has been a lot of change for him recently so time will help I’m sure… definitely testing boundaries currently as well. All part of his development :)

Thanks again

I’d be questioning a childminder about why she thought there was something wrong with a 2 year old who struggles to sit still for a class. Developmentally all of what you describe is to be expected (even more so if he’s had huge changes at home). The childminder’s job is to know about child development and manage this kind of thing.

I would not be impressed about it being framed as possible ADHD at all. Small children are well known for not concentrating when there are other things to do.

Thanks Dyrene, yeah that was the reaction on my side of the family and mum’s side too. Split is fairly amicable so plenty chat between both sides. At a time when we need the support the most it feels as though we’ve not got it to be honest.

I think the feeling that you (and your very young child) are not being adequately supported is fair here. Given all that’s going on, and the fact he isn’t even 3, I would not have been at all impressed at a childminder trying to pathologise this (which is what an implication of a ‘concentration problem’ or possible neurodiversity looks a lot like in this context).

Given that, it might be worth considering transitioning to a centre-based early years setting from
3 onwards.

It’s really good to hear somebody put much more eloquently what we’re thinking.
Little one starts at pre school in September, and they do take younger children so may bring this forward. The only thing stopping us at the moment is we felt there had been enough change for him to deal with. That’s under constant review at the moment. Up until now we have all been very happy there, it’s a home from home for him, but this has changed things somewhat.
Really do appreciate your thoughts on it.

Just to chip in again, my boy went to a childminder up until he was just before three then went to preschool. He was absolutely ready at that point to move on from the childminding environment. He moved when my husband was going through cancer treatment aswell so upheaval at home and to be honest they provided and brought a really stable and consistent environment for our little boy and he thrived even at a time of disruption at home.

That’s interesting, what told you he was ready to make the change can I ask? My instinct is saying he’s ready, maybe a little bored there now, and most definitely will be ready by September.
Hope your husband is ok now.

I agree that a good EY setting (or school) can be a brilliant source of stability for children when the rest of their life is disrupted.

A nursery is likely to be much more pragmatic about how young children behave in groups too. They will know that some children need support to listen to a whole story.

As you say he appeared bored, was intellectually ready for more learning (well as much as they do in preschool!), Ready to be in bigger groups and started to play with others rather than side by side play. We just felt he was ready to progress to the next chapter - but the childminding up to that age had provided him with a really secure attachment and consequently good self esteem. He just slotted right in at nursery as he was used to being left, really trusted grown ups, was potty trained, could communicate and had been thought some life skills such as putting coat on, sitting at table, being kind/helpful/sharing etc.
Thankyou my husband is absolutely fine now. Trust your instinct id say