In laws and friends

[Super1and1]

Hello can any dad's help... We have a new born and all is well apart from the fact my wife seems to have her friends on constant messaging and her mum taking over. She seems to be around the new baby constantly and buying new gifts daily. I feel. Smothered by it... Should I or as I'm working should my wife just do what she likes. I think covid has had its effects as I worry now about my new born mixing with people and being held constantly

Not a man but since you've not had other replies yet...

I think its fairly normal to feel this way - you'll find plenty of other posts about women feeling overwhelmed and smothered by well-intentioned friends and family.

Have a chat with your wife. You'll probably need to balance out your need for space with her need for support (both emotional and practical, which means you may need to take more on) but a gentle and open discussion between the two of you should be the starting point.

I think the early weeks are often challenging for dad's because if the mother is breast feeding the child is often chiefly reliant on them and dad's can feel a bit out of the loop. If this feels familiar, then focus on practical support at the moment and know that things should get easier as baby gets a little bit bigger.

Its pretty normal for the high level of fussing and friends/family wanting to see the new baby, in my experience it does start to subside once the initial excitement starts to grow less. I also think friends/family often feel they have to make a big fuss as if they don't your Wife might be offended!

I'd try and embrace it - those friends and family could be the network you rely on for babysitting as the little one gets older - so don't push them away!

I hope that helps

Carve out your role.
E.g bath time.

It’s OK to remind your DW that it’s your baby too, and you want the two of you to learn to parent together and be a team.

But she may well feel lonely in the day, and be getting confidence from her Mum being involved.

But I was v careful that my Mum did not push DH to one side as a parent.

So suggest to your DW that evenings are your together time, and as she dies feeding (if she is breast feeding) you do baths. And then you can have a routine : bath time, ‘nope, that’s Dad’s special job’ and visitors leave.

If she is having people over all the time whilst you are home and it's cutting into your time with the baby and family time then absolutely yanbu... but if it's when you are at work then you are definitely being u reasonable, and re your mil you sound a bit jealous!