Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Flip

Original poster

Child Arrangement

25 replies

Abbo4 · 09/12/2021 22:49

I want to propose a 2, 2, 3 schedule for 50/50 access to my daughter. This gives solid weekend with either parents and rorltating same days in mid week. Although mother works shifts and I work day do I have to accommodate her shifts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RancidOldHag · 09/12/2021 22:51

Have to, probably not.

Should you - hell yes!

wont be good for your DC if a parent is forced out if work

OppsUpsSide · 09/12/2021 22:54

What’s your main concern? What’s best for your DC or something else?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 09/12/2021 22:58

It sounds like you're setting a schedule convenient to you.

She will have to arrange childcare while she works (assuming your child is still young) which will be either impossible or very expensive without a set schedule.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:01

Main concern daughter is rushed to other parents on weekends because of shift time work when rolls into weekend and is no real routine.

MollysDolly · 09/12/2021 23:03

Do you have to?

You'd be a bit of an arse to do this to your own child's mother. And she doesn't have to agree to a schedule based around what's best for you.

The schedule has to be reasonable with both parents work patterns.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:05

Not convient to me I can have any day week it's the days are all over. No consistency. Daughter always asking when I'm with mummy or daddy. How long for.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 09/12/2021 23:07

A 2 2 3 schedule isn't going to provide consistency either.

What is your ex proposing?

RandomMess · 09/12/2021 23:09

How old is your DD?

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:09

Funny that when I'm told can only have every other weekend like most dads and then back track to suit her shifts.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:11

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:12

So what is best consistency?

MollysDolly · 09/12/2021 23:13

OP you're really tricky to understand.

What's the issue with Sun - Tues (or whatever the same 3 days are per week) consistently every week.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:14

That I'm to have daughter on her shifts which work during week and weekends but have to provide childcare in those days but she doesn't.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 09/12/2021 23:14

@Obba4

So what is best consistency?

Discuss it with your ex, or go to mediation and discuss it there.

You're clearly pretty pissed off, but nobody here will be able to help you come up with a schedule that suits you both.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:15

Because can't have same days every week because of her shift pattern

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 09/12/2021 23:15

@Obba4

That I'm to have daughter on her shifts which work during week and weekends but have to provide childcare in those days but she doesn't.

Looking after your own dd isn't providing childcare

MollysDolly · 09/12/2021 23:16

So you're cross that you're only getting contact time when her mother is at work, but you are also at work, so don't actually see your daughter, just pay for her to be at a childminder.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 09/12/2021 23:17

I want to propose a 2, 2, 3 schedule for 50/50 access to my daughter.

Contact with, not access to. Your daughter is not private property.

NeedsCharging · 09/12/2021 23:18

Can you accommodate the shifts?
If you don't want to why not?

RandomMess · 09/12/2021 23:19

If her shifts are irregular and/or change at short notice then no she can't have contact as and when suits her.

It sounds like you need to sort out paid childcare for weekdays and both share the cost whether it's use or not.

You should get a guaranteed EOW Fri- Mon and presumably you are happy to have extra on your non weekends?

If mediation fails then yes you need to go to court.

Obba4 · 09/12/2021 23:20

I can accommodate some shifts but not all.

MollysDolly · 09/12/2021 23:30

So, just to be clear.

She works shifts each week. She expects you to have DD.

Sometimes this means you get to spend time with DD. Sometimes you are working as well, and end up paying for DDs childcare, so both you and the mother can work.

Does the mother pay for any childcare when she works, or is it always down to you to have DD, then pay for childcare if you have to work as well.

Fireflygal · 09/12/2021 23:31

What are the shifts? If you provide details then you might get suggestions.

Typically most mothers have to accommodate fathers who work shifts. It's what's best for the child and allows both parents to work.

Remember what you agree now , can change over time especially as your daughter gets older. Try to get agreement between yourselves. It could be raw if the split is recent but that won't always be the case.

TalkToTheHand123 · 20/12/2021 13:34

Has she agreed to your proposal?

BeyondOurReef · 20/12/2021 13:36

@Obba4

Not convient to me I can have any day week it's the days are all over. No consistency. Daughter always asking when I'm with mummy or daddy. How long for.

Making her a visual timetable and going over the arrangements each week is a possible way of dealing with this.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread