If your son's keen on football and you're not, really

[UnquietDad]

OK, I thought it was about time I started another serious-ish thread rather than salivating over popstrels.

DS is 4 and I can see he could really quite get into football. Most of the older boys at school are into it - it's the social glue that holds them together. I've never been sporty, but I will take him for a kick-about on the common. My ownership of two left feet is not so apparent when I am playing a 4-year-old.

I can enjoy football and rugby as a casual observer now, but I don't follow any league teams and only really get interested when the national side are playing.

I remember being utterly miserable during games lessons at school and dreading them in the pit of my stomach as we walked up to the pavilion. I spent most of the afternoon (twice a week) staying on the wing and trying not to get muddy or hit. I was always one of the last 3 or 4 to get picked for teams. I malingered wherever possible, even forging a note from my mum on one occasion. It didn't help that our games teachers were sneering, sadistic bastards who enjoyed humilatinng people like me.

I don't want DS to have to go through all that. So I'll be pleased if he is one of the "football crowd", but at the same time a bit disappointed that he won't instead be one of the "different but interesting" types. Maybe you can be both.

What about those with older sons who don't do football? What do they do? Chess, etc? Do they "fit in"?

My ds1 (8) doesn't play football. Don't know if that's because his dad isn't the football type. Nor am I. Active, yes, but not sporty (your PE lessons sound like mine).
He does find himself left out but it is a smallish village school so all the boys of a similar age hang in one lump (and play football) - or not, in my ds1's case. There is more scope for differing interests in a larger school but it is worth giving him a little encouragement with football so he can make his own choices, rather than feeling unable to join in because he is unsure of the rules or how to kick the blasted thing.

This is tricky with boys. My DS is 6 and utterly obsessed with football - playing it, watching it, reading about it, playing it on the playstation, has a fantasy football team in DH's works league and is holding his own. He bought a 5yo David Beckham annual at the school fair for 20p and has not had his nose out of it since.

However DS is really more of an academic type, excelling at numeracy and literacy and slow to ride a bike, learn to swim etc. Impartially, I don't actually think he is very good at football, but I am encouraging it at this stage, because I think that if he so obsessed with it then he ought to give playing it a go.

So he is a member of the local under-7s squad which at this time of year means he is getting an hour's runabout in a sports hall every week. And I hope this will help him with his physical confidence and in PE etc, because I was, all too often, that last one to be picked and I can remember the feeling. But if he stops enjoying it etc I will let him stop unlike swimming, which I insist he continues with.

Hope my ramblings help a little.

Also I kind of wanted DS to know that there was more to football than a kickabout in the garden with a kindly adult who will be generous with how many goals DS gets etc. I wanted him to have a go on his own level IYSWIM.

my ds (who is also 6) sounds a lot like bozza's (in fact, I've thought that before!).

He loves football (almost to the point of obsession) but he is a very sensitive, quiet boy who adores school and loves the academic challenge.

Football has been marvellous for him - he plays it at break times, he goes to Chelsea games with his dad, he reads football annuals, collects stickers etc. I wish I could encourage him to play it regularly but unfortunately, he often pulls out of practice because it's on a Thursday evening and by then, he's really knackered but I think, once the weather starts warming up again, he'll play every week.

I think you can definitely be both (into sports and an interesting child). They are certainly not mutually exclusive.

If your ds in anything like his dad, he will work things out for himself, and decide if it's all too much and walk away.

ANY sport is potentially such a contribution to having a 'good character' though obv. not the only one. At school I was in the football crowd and the academic one, and just look at how well balanced I turned out......... He can be different, interesting AND a sportster!!

I think if ds1 hadn't played football he would sadly have been known as a geek. He likes and gets obsessed about all manner of things; stamp collecting and archaeology for example. However he plays football and from then went onto also playing cricket and badminton. The sports helped him 'fit in' with the crowd.

It's not all about kicking a football - they need the commitment to turn up regularly in all types of weather. The discipline and because the children come from different schools they get to widen their circle of friends.

They learn how to win and how to loose

We have two older DSs. The elder has never been interested in sport - good at running, played a little tennis - but the younger has always been sports mad. DH is not a team games person, though has played tennis/table tennis in past and is keen mountain walker. The elder never felt particularly concerned that he wasn't in the sports crowd - there were always plenty who weren't. The younger just loves being part of a team and physical exercise. We have endured years of mini and colts football - played on windswept/rainswept pitches in inconvenient places and using up significant parts of our weekends. He now plays rugby - far more civilised game (parents don't attack the ref!)as well as tennis, cricket, badminton, basket ball (anything apart from netball!)

foxinsocks what you say does sound like DS. My sister was doing a quiz out of the David Beckham annual(me against him) and because he has read it so much since he got it on 30 November he was getting answers right about football games before he was born - although his pronunciation of Bayern Munich (1999 Champions League final - DS born 2001) was interesting. But I think the football interest has also helped with his reading, maths and geography. "Where's Macedonia, Mummy?" - that sort of thing.

So with DS I try to encourage him to play, and slightly discourage the general non-playing obsession with football, or at least encourage a broader range of interest.

I hated playing football when I was younger. School games seemed to degenerate into a gaggle of ducks following a ball and I hated the fact you were a social outcast of you weren't willing to 'get stuck in'. As a result I didn't have a team and nor did I have any interest in football. My Dad didn't really care for it either so it went rather well.

The summer of 1994 rolled on and a mate of mine was trying to research teams to convert a Super Nintendo football game called 'Striker' into an official version with proper kits and everything. Being two little nerds together we bought the magazines and the form books in order to start this project.

As a result of this I got into watching lots of USA '94. I was in awe of Roberto Baggio. This game, previously known as something for clots to do before they brayed each other with their knuckles, could be a fantastic thing sometimes.

I've been into football ever since. Firstly I did the schoolboy thing of wanting to support a big team so I ended up seeing Glasgow Rangers a lot bt more recently I came to my sensed and went with my hometown team of Gretna FC (currently bottom of the SPL! Woohoo!). I sometimes play for my works team as well because we're in it for a run around and it's not macho in any way, if you make a mistake everybody has a giggle and we move on.

Basically UD, give the footie a try. There are fans out there who will be morons but you get that with any sport. It's quite possible to be a level headed football fan and enjoy other stuff as well. I enjoy wandering around art galleries as much as I like watching Scotland play.

I cannot play for toffee myself but I still plan to take DS down the park for a kick about if he wants when the time comes.

Hi UQD, only read your op but I do think once they get to school football and being reasonably interested in it is tremendously important in terms of peers and making friends and fitting in. So I think you need to find a friend who DOES like it and can take your son and his to play while you reciprocate by doing something else with your son and his every now and again.

I have a friend with a son with a heart condition which means he CAN'T play and my friend has said how sad it makes him because his ds just doesn't quite fit in for that reason. And there's nothing he can do about it.

I'm not saying it's right but it does seem reasonably true of small boys.

We've always kept the door ajar for any signs of interest in football from ds, but we're lucky I guess and he is not in the "football crowd". He does tennis and swimming instead, neither especially competently, but he likes them.
Tbh by Yr4 (ds' year) they all know each other's strengths and interests well enough to make allowances for each other, so he fits in well because he can tell tall tales, invent games, and make people laugh. I think there was a stickier patch in Yrs 1-2 where we had some angst because he couldn't run as fast as some of the others.
I hated games lessons too and I think it is fair to say that in general PE teachers are not allowed to get away with this sort of rubbish now. More of them are qualified teachers too, IME, rather than retired county athletes with an attitude problem
Have you read Jim White's book UQD?

I must admit I am deeply impressed with your enthusiasm and knowledge califrau

Thanks to everyone for comments.

Marina - No I've not read Jim White. Just looked it up on Amazon - looks interesting!
I did gather from DW that PE is a little broader now and they do a wider range of sports. I still think it's still the one subject where, if you are crap, you are crap and there's nothing you can do about it - no amount of work will turn that round. You're either a "sport person" or you are not. I'm not.

califrau - will take your word for it - maybe I will encounter this one day!

cripleh - I've got nothing against fans in general - it's not really that aspect of it which has put me off. Thinking about it, though, I do think it's quite sad the way footballers are idolised and revered as "celebrities" and writers and academics struggle in penury, and maybe that's got a lot ot do with it. If footballers were on performance-related pay, we might see a bit more hunger from England!

I think what happens in the playground sometimes is that boys playing football just dominate. They physically "need" the whole playground and just knock everyone else out of the way - that's what I remember from my primary school days. DS's primary school is a bit different in that ball games are restricted to the field.

He will be keen on footie cos everyone else is. As he gets older i bet he will branch out into other things and divert more energies into things that he likes himself - and not just because everyone else is doing it.

Just keep introducing him to as many different hobbies as possible and wait and see.

Nothing wrong with football though. It is a healthy, physical thing, doesn't cost anything to have a kick about with your mates, and gives good lessons such as teamwork and the consequences of your actions.

If you give it a chance you may find that you will appreciate it more if you join him in his enthusiasm for it. You may have two left feet as you point out - but that doesn't stop you getting into the other aspects of it.

You don't have to be a competent footballer to enjoy following or watching football - look at all these fat bastards in the crowds at matches. I bet most of them have never even ran for a bus.

He does have a wide range of interests, anyway. We'll wait and see how things develop. At this stage he still takes his sister's doll to bed!