New Dad but struggling to get into it

[SL80]

Hi all,

We have our firstborn, now 12 weeks old. I'd describe myself as a relatively hands on Dad - happy bottle feeding, changing, taking her out in the early mornings in the pram before I start work etc.

However I am struggling to really get into the swing of loving Fatherhood and it much seems like a chore at the moment and I am really missing just having some time with my Wife without the anxiety of the baby needing attention etc.

I don't want to come across as selfish as I know loads of people long for having kids who probably can't but I am just wondering if there is light at the end of the tunnel as our Daughter gets older month by month and when that 'Dad' feeling kicks in and we are not constantly having to hold her, comfort her, feed, change etc?

Am I just going through the normal motions of a new Dad? Is there key miletones where it gets better i.e. 6 months, 9 months etc?

The hard days are difficult. They're boring and its all slogwork.

The real fun starts when they become more interactive, can enjoy stuff and have fun. I didnt really feel like a mum until my kids were toddler age...... And thats perfectly normal.

Congratulations on becoming a dad! you will get through this period of total exhaustion and it WILL get easier. The first few weeks and months are so difficult, I remember sometimes it took almost an hour to even get out of the house.... It's all about tiredness and sacrifice at the moment.

Try and get family to help - even if it's just for an hour or two so you and DW can get a coffee etc.

IME once we had got the dc started on solids things settled down and they slept for longer. Also being able to mix feed helps so other people can give bottles .

You are still pretty early into it, where it is hard work, with not much return, except the occasional smile. It will get easier and better.

For sure, just hang on in there. It's pretty brutal in the first weeks/months for both parents, and not a whole lot to enjoy (in my opinion!). Once they start doing stuff and getting a personality,that's when the good times start (and the big love). Hold out for six months!

I recommend Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe’s Lockdown Parenting Hell Podcast for moral support, hang in there and wait for things like the first time the say ‘Dada’ (usually before Mama ), the first PROPER belly laugh that comes out of nowhere, and the first time you take them to the park.

It definitely gets loads better! It's normal to feel like you do in the early days. Congrats!

Predictable

It will get better but it is hard for the first 2-3 years, although the challenges change.
If you can get a few chores done, that can help you and your dw have more time to relax.

Try to get a couple of hours each to yourselves so you both get time to recharge.
Do things together where the baby needs minimal attention like walks and chats together with the buggy, an episode of a tv programme when the baby is feeding or napping.
As the baby becomes more communicative and interacts more with you, you’ll probably start to enjoy it more.

When my daughter learnt to laugh at about 4 months things started to get easier. Also when she could sit up and take interest in things at 6 months - my DH loved to take her out because everyone loves a dad with a cute baby!
The first 3 months completely sucked though!

Those first few weeks and months are really hard so don't be to tough on yourselves. These are the times when you need to be a team. When your child starts becoming more responsive and you start getting a routine sorted things will become easier but for now just keep on keeping on.

Thanks all for the comments and sharing your experiences - much appreciated.

Babies are boring. they shit, cry and drain your soul

Yes they do get a lot more fun and cuter as they get into the toddler stage, my youngest has just turned two but I miss being able to put her on the floor and she couldn't get up and run away.

Don't wish it away mate ;D it's a marathon not a sprint

The early weeks are honestly so hard. Babies are so demanding and they don’t give a lot back.

In my experience they get increasingly more enjoyable and fun the older they get. Hang in there. It does get better.

I definitely remember this !

Honestly, there is a part of your life that you never get back - I marvel/ fantasise at the freedom friends and colleagues who don't have kids have - I mean honestly to have a whole DAY to do what I pleased without planning or picking up shit! But the longer it goes on the more you forget about it !

As others have said babies are pretty unpredictable and intense without much back - I remember having some friends over for lunch at about 6 months old and thinking wow I am having some fun for myself. 10 months has also always been a milestone for us as sleep has greatly improved .