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Oh to be a man....................

17 replies

EricL · 19/11/2007 11:07

Our last name stays put.

The garage is all ours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

We can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell us the truth.

The world is our urinal.

We never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too shitty.

We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at our chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

We know stuff about tanks and engines.

A week abroad requires only one suitcase.

We can open all our own jars.

We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Our underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

We never have strap problems in public.

We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.

Everything on our face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

We only have to shave our face and neck.

We can play with toys all our lives.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.

We can "do" our nails with a pocket knife.

We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

One mood all the time.

We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.


OP posts:
harleyd · 19/11/2007 11:08


XAliceInWonderlandX · 19/11/2007 11:16

but they tend to be less caring
points the way to loo for harley

bogie · 19/11/2007 11:22
  1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
EricL · 19/11/2007 11:24

But bogie - most of those things sound like positive points!

OP posts:
HairyIrene · 19/11/2007 11:29

lol, eric,

er, but some of them apply to me too! (am not a man! nor hairy either!!)

i travel light ALWAYS
my last name stayed put
i know stuff about tanks and engines &
can change car tyres and know my nuts and bolts without thinking
dont have nor want moustache
hate weddings

one mood all the time sounds tres boring though, thats robotic no?

DaddyJ · 19/11/2007 12:09

I knew there was something wrong with me.
I organised most of our wedding myself

Look, there were mitigating circumstances! Honest.

HairyIrene · 19/11/2007 16:01

you're one of those metrosexuals arntcha daddyj?

DaddyJ · 19/11/2007 16:11

How very dare you!?
I would describe myself as übersexual actually, thank you very much.

Must finish fab moisturiser review for cod's cosmetics thread now.

(((hugs))) to you and Eric, too

HairyIrene · 19/11/2007 17:56

(((hugs))) back atcha hun xxxxx

EricL · 19/11/2007 19:27

Yeah - i guess not all of this counts for everyone - it's just a giggle.

I did a fair bit for my wedding too.

And i guess i am running against the grain by being a SAHD while the missus is out shouting at the men.

I'm not one of these metrosexual twats though.

Call me that and i'll feckin 'ave ya!

(Was that convincing enough? No? Shit.)

OP posts:
XAliceInWonderlandX · 19/11/2007 19:38

yes you are

do you like being at home

HairyIrene · 19/11/2007 23:46

oh eric
i bet they all fawn over you in the toddfellows gathering places ...
the sahd's round here are treated like mini slebs at ours

dh would have done it too, if circumstances allowed..

EricL · 20/11/2007 00:15

Well - it was actually the complete opposite. They were really unfriendly and cliquey so i stopped going.

I guess it depends on the group though as i bet others wouldn't have been like that.

That era has passed now thank god.

OP posts:
HairyIrene · 20/11/2007 11:18

sorry to hear that eric
it took me a while to find some nice ones..
cant understand what these cliques think they are teaching their kids

and yes me too i rejoiced when nursery started

cestlavie · 20/11/2007 11:24

Is lusting after female cartoon characters a bad thing then? Even Daphne from Scooby-Doo?

ClassAct · 20/11/2007 23:46

No, not at all. Daphne and Penelope Pitstop are fair game. As is Tinkerbell.

Betty-Boop is too obvious though.

HairyIrene · 20/11/2007 23:56

i've got soft spot for homer

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