Potential fatherhood with long term mental health disorders

[Tom66]

Hi all,
First post, go easy!

I am 33, have had depression/anxiety disorders all my life, and have had two long term relationships end (8 years and 2 years), catalyzed by severe and chronic insomnia which makes my life hell at times. Recent breakup in January. Both partners wanted kids eventually, and painfully, I just couldn't bring myself to commit to that, given my mental health issues (before anyone asks I have sought many treatments and medication which is always ongoing, and exhausting).
Both were/are amazing women that left due to their desire to have children, which is fair.
There was also an element of of me 'pushing them away' at times due to the guilt around it.
It pains me greatly because I would otherwise consider myself to be a great potential Dad. I am conscientious, intelligent with many interests and knowledge, but the thought of a) passing on potential mental disorder genes, and b) dealing with a child/children along with my often severe mental health issues and lack of sleep is genuinely terrifying and i often convince myself I am certainly totally unfit to be a parent and I should forget the idea.

There is SO much info/guidance on this from a maternal point of view, but next to none with a male perspective.

The reason for my timing while asking this is that my most recent partner (31) and I are still in touch, and when she left, it wasn't the most 'final' of breakups. Part of her reason for leaving was with a quiet optimism that I would 'get better' and 'decide' that I want children with her. I'd love to make her happy in this way but I also don't want to let love blind me into making false commitments.
We were two peas in a pod :(
I'm sure we will meet again soon and i'm sure this topic will surface if we do.

Both male and female opinions or experience on similar issues would be nice to read.

Thanks.

Have you thought of speaking to a health professional so that you can get expert advice on the likelihood of certain conditions being passed on? We inherit aspects of our personality from both parents but environment plays a part too - by that I mean that the way that children are brought up is important. Children brought up in a loving, stable atmosphere will play its part. My Dad has had depression/anxiety issues in the past (I believe that although it may be innate it is also because of his upbringing). I do get anxiety at times although not depression. I think that a lot more people have these kind of issues than we realise - it's just that many people don't talk about it.

You say you'd be a good Dad. You don't mention whether you want to be a Dad?

Is there a burning desire to parent? To have little ones running around etc? Basically, if it wasn't for the health issues, would you be pursuing that lifestyle?

My advice would be to work that bit out first. And I say this as someone who has gone through a breakup due to differences in opinion on the kids issue and I know how painful that can be but knowing your own position first is essential.