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Still heartbroken after 8 months Help!!

17 replies

TimF86 · 07/04/2021 08:46

Hi,
Me and my gf of near 20 years split 8 months ago. The last year or so of our relationship was tough, alot of things happened that would have tested most couples but i always thought we would come through it stronger.
She went quiet after a while then started getting angry over every little thing, she then told me to leave. I didnt want to but with 2 daughters I thought maybe it would be better for them to not see their mum shouting for a wile.
One day a few weeks into the breakup she txt me telling me she missed me, during that day i tried everything just for her to ask me home, then something changed and her txts got angry again, all i can think about is if only I could go back in time and maybe handle that day differently, it drives me mad thinking about that day and the day she told me to leave.
Since then ive tried so many times to get her to talk to me but she is just hateful towards me and says it will never happen. After so many years and so many great memories how can she say these things? I love her so much still and cnt stop thinking about her all the time. I hadnt cried in maybe 25 years but these past 8 months i cnt stop everytime i think about why this happened. My thinking has turned to that If she could do this to me being the one person that was always there for me and i her then why would anyone else want me. Im now the one thing i was always scared of being, a weekend dad, i love her and my kids so much and just want my family back

OP posts:
purpleboy · 07/04/2021 09:00

Hi, I hope you don't mind me replying, I see you posted on dadsnet but I just wanted to offer my support.
20 years is a long time to end a relationship, has she gives any indication of why she ended it?
Just because you have separated doesn't mean you have to just be a weekend dad.

TimF86 · 07/04/2021 09:07

She says she doesnt love me like that anymore and that it was too hard, which i get cause like i said the last year or so was tough but from outside things. I think she is seeing someone now while i still think about her all the time, i go to sleep thinking of her and wake up thinking of her, i just dnt know wat to do anymore, i can see why people would end their lives over these things but i would never want to do that to my girls and give them that trauma. I know i could see them more but with work during the week that is difficult, i see them 3 nights a week which while im happy to get them those times i miss seeing them everynight and every morning and having our wee family together going new places and having fun. Feels like ill never get to do that again

OP posts:
purpleboy · 07/04/2021 09:13

It's all still raw, things take time. It sounds like she has made her feelings clear, which I can understand is difficult for you to hear.
I think you need to shift your focus from your old life, relationship and gf and focus on your children, and carving out an independent life for yourself. Do you have hobbies? I know Covid has shut most things down but hopefully with things opening up you can start doing things again. What about friends? Do you have support from them?

It's time to stop looking in the past and look to the future, I appreciate that's easier said that done though.

PumpkinWitch · 07/04/2021 09:28

You sound heartbroken and understandably so. My heart goes out to you. It takes a long time to process something as big as this. A big break up can be like a bereavement and it takes a while to process the change. My friend told me that it took her 2 years to get used to being separated and a single parent. I am only a year and a half in and it is getting better but I am in a different situation to you in that the relationship was very bad and it was my choice to end it.

It also sounds like you are still very much a part of your children’s lives and 3 nights a week is a substantial amount of time to have them. They will know that you are still there for them.

It is a very weird time to be going through all this because you can’t have the real live support that you would normally have.

tootiredtospeak · 07/04/2021 09:35

It sounds really tough like she hasn't ever given you proper closure and an explanation of why from her end things weren't able to be salvaged. This is tough but you cant make her. You could try some counselling for yourself to work through how you feel. She might not love you anymore but she must think you are a good dad if you are having the kids 3 times a week. Just think if you worked away all week and came home at weekends this is all you would see them. Focus on the time you do see them being fun and happy dont let them see you sad. Prove to her that you have moved on and arent waiting around for her to change her mind. She might be put off if she thinks you are clinging to the past and even if she doesn't you will have forged a new life your own life. Try to think of all the things you have always wanted to do and pick one and focus on that. Heartache is awful but like someone said above it is the same as grief in that it should get much easier with time.

TimF86 · 07/04/2021 11:00

Thanks everyone, i havent really talked to anyone about the situation im in, felt good just to write it down and see if anyone replied. I feel like that relationship was my life, everything i did was for her and the kids, which i was more than happy to do, i loved my life and was so happy, dnt get me wrong there were bad days and good days but overall i was happy and would never have done this by choice. Thank you again for all your advice

OP posts:
Isitsixoclockalready · 07/04/2021 22:49

A breakup is always hard even if things weren't great all the time or at the end of the relationship. It's understandable to get into a bit of a rut whereby it's hard to move on but the main thing is that you are in your daughters' lives and you need to concentrate on your relationship with them. It will get easier as time goes by.

ThatOtherPoster · 07/04/2021 22:52

Have you tried anything to show her how much you love her and want to get back together? Any positive steps?

TimF86 · 08/04/2021 07:54

Such as theotherposter? Ive told her so many times but ill take any ideas you have that might help

OP posts:
Quincie · 08/04/2021 08:24

When a male partner starts being annoyed or critical it is often put down to, here on mumsnet, as them falling for someone else. Maybe a work colleague or something. Rather than be honest and admit that that is the case, making them the bad guy, they behave badly to their present partner to try to cause fall outs so the partner can be partially blamed for the break up.
Could this have happened This would explain your bewilderment because it seems it is nothing you have done.
She sounds quite cruel, would you really want to get back together and risk this happening again?
Concentrate on your DDs and your finances going forward. Perhaps speak to a solicitor.

TimF86 · 08/04/2021 08:36

Hi Quincie, as much as i don't think she was doing something at the time now that you say it the last year or so she was starting so many arguments over tiny little things and dragging them out, I have found myself taking the blame for most of it when im trying to talk to her and apologising for things i know werent my fault just to try and get her back. I know what your saying about why would i want to go back but my family was my life and i was happy as long as i was with them. I have a close bond with my girls and to have that everyday interaction with them ripped from me is so hard, im already heartbroken but every time i have to leave them back and then leave kills me just that little bit more. I just dnt understand how she could do this after all that time and in the way she done it as well, i would never dream of treating anyone that way never mind someone i loved as much

OP posts:
HammersBen · 09/04/2021 12:51

Dude you won't feel better if you are going around feeling shit. Give yourself a weekend off once the pubs open get down there with the boys and chat to some ladies. Get in the now just for one weekend and wallow again when that weekend is finished.

Stout01 · 10/04/2021 21:19

I had a similar experience. Hate to say it but there is probably someone else and she needs to find a way to justify her actions. So is saying these things and deflecting blame.

In my mind it's odd how women turn like this and act like the relationship history didn't exist. I think its their way of justifying their behaviour and not accepting they are to blame. You get flamed for saying it on MN but in real life its true in my experience.

HazelE123 · 12/04/2021 19:00

Agree. When someone suddenly changes and gets angry it is often when they are seeing someone else. Explains the hot and cold as well if she felt insecure about the other relationship at times. It can leave you feeling bewildered, shocked and grieving without understanding of what happened. It can really help when you know the truth as it helps understand it is nothing you have done but that your gf transferred her affections elsewhere. Infidelity is the pits. They lying is the worst bit. The anger is usually guilt - justifying lying - and stress (difficult having a double life).

Right now you need to be kind to yourself. Don’t close the door on it completely but accept you may or may not get back together. As you don’t know you need to ensure your relationship with your children continues. You are now separated whether that is permanent or not. Where are you living? Can you have them staying with you?

Many Dads are recommended to get a Child Arrangements order in place before moving out - because it can be harder to see the kids once you’ve left.

First step is mediation. Text or email your gf and say you want to agree arrangements for the children now you are separated. And would like to have mediation to draw up a parenting plan (this can include when the kids are with each parent, birthday and holiday arrangements, who pays for what etc). It isn’t legally enforceable but if there are problems in future it can be helpful when getting a court order as it shows what was agreed.

If your gf doesn’t agree to mediation then ask to be signed off from mediation (you have the first appointment on your own anyway). This sign off is what you need to be able to apply to court.

There is no reason why you can’t ask for a 50/50 shared care order so the children live with both of you with a stable schedule. If you can do that and manage it with work. You can have family members assist with school pick ups etc if your working hours don’t tally and there are after school clubs.

A common 50/50 pattern is two consecutive nights in each home and every other week end from Friday to Monday morning. This is a 2-2-5-5 schedule. One week they are with you mom tues night, then they come Friday for the weekend through to Monday plus the Monday Tuesday tacked on next week. So it is 2 nights, then 2 at gf house, then 5 with you (Friday to wed an). Then 5 with her (wed through to Monday am) then back to 2 each again that week.

With changeovers to and from school for seamless transitions between homes. Plus half the school holidays each.

What used to be “residency “ is now “lives with “ snd what used to be “contact” is now “spends time with”.

Shared care/lives with both parents is what used to be joint or shared residency.

At the moment you are equal - no court orders snd neither has residency. You can arrange things informally but if you find you’re not spending enough time with the kids and there‘a no agreement or parenting plan you could apply for the Child Arrangements to be ordered.

A standard order would be “spends time with” every other weekend and a midweek overnight - plus half the holidays.

The 2-2-5-5 is better for continuing to be a full on parent with significant time with both parents.

HazelE123 · 12/04/2021 19:11

Just to add - if things are fairly amicable you don’t even need to go to court - you can have a consent order. An agreement can be drawn up and sent to court to be stamped as a consent order. You usually both need a solicitor for that. For court application you can self rep. If someone doesn’t want to agree to a consent order I would be suspicious as to intentions.

Cumbria1978 · 07/05/2021 11:33

Really feel for you, I share that fear of being a weekend dad, but just to say from your heartfelt post you clearly so so so so sooo much more than that to your children and also your partner.

Some water under the bridge I hope will help to make the relationship more amicable, if nothing else.

Just remind yourself of what a commited and caring father you are, seem like a real top chap to me

SkedaddIe · 30/05/2021 07:15

20 years coming up, 2 kids, no ring...

I think I can guess what the problem is mate.

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