Hi
I can see a lot of posts on here from mothers who dislike their inlaws but not so many from the fathers. I used to get on great with my inlaws but gradually it became clear how overly familiar they were. This ranges from inviting themselves to do jobs in my home, trying to teach me DIY things, turning up when we're out and letting themselves in to "drop stuff off" (things that aren't urgent and they knew we were going out to make things even weirder). Since all this I've found myself just feeling angry whenever I think of them. My partner does nothing to dissuade them, she's close to them and seems scared to ever upset them. It's started to strike me as a weird relationship where they dominate her and she's too timid to ever say anything to them even when she confides in me that something has pissed her off. We'll agree on an issue and the next day she'll start having a go at my family who literally never involve themselves in our lives at all, they always wait to be invited to things.
It's getting to the point where I just don't want to be around her family at all and these lockdowns have been wonderful from that point of view - except for the fact that they happily break the lockdowns and turn up at ours, albeit less regularly than before. This is whilst they criticise others for "not following the rules". You can just tell how much they annoy me, can't you? My partner's got two siblings who seem to keep a good boundary between them but one sibling almost lives in their house and I fear my partner wants this kind of relationship. It might sound petty but I don't want my child to be absorbed into their little family cocoon. I'd feel like I'd be sidelined, let alone my family. All their SILs and DILs, including me, are excluded from their "Family WhatsApp Group" - another point of rancour for me. My partner is in my family's group. I think it highlights the subconscious thinking behind our families. My partner's accepted into mine but none of us SILs and DILs are accepted into theirs.