I've joined this forum to post this as I no longer know what to do. I apologise if this is a long read.
My wife and I are literally about to separate. Today I packed a bag and left as I just could not deal with our problems anymore. I came home a few hours later as my stepdaughter was crying asking when would I be home.
My wife has 2 daughters from a previous relationship (11 & 13), and I have a son (8). Even though we have had lots of ups and downs, I love the girls and we generally have a really good relationship. I try to be involved in their lives and have reaped some incredible rewards from this.
My wife unfortunately has not formed the same bond with my son. This is ok. At first i was really upset by it, but understand that their relationship doesn't have to be the same as mine is with SDs. The problem is my wife really struggles with my son being here, and if anything it has got worse over the years as he has got older. To the point that I feel like I am acting differently to how i want, to try and make sure that my son doesn't 'annoy' my wife.
The girls spend weekdays and every other weekend with us, and my son comes over one night in the week and every other weekend (same weekend we have girls), although the oldest has now stopped seeing her dad (different jsut as long story) and is with us all the time.
At times my wife and her ex will change weekends etc and thats ok, but as soon as my ex has asked, its a problem.
What started today was my son ringing me and asking if he could come over to see me. I instantly started to make an excuse (and feel so guilty about that it hurts), and as soon as my wife realised what was going on she started saying 'god no' , 'I need a break' etc etc, and rolling her eyes.
Then my sons mother was in the background as obviously my son was getting upset and my wife lost it then and stormed upstairs. She says even the sound of my ex's voice drives her insane.
We then had a row, another one, about how she feels that my ex is always there in her house and that she sees me, my son and my ex as a package. I feel that her hatred towards my ex is aimed at my son. obviously there is a whole lot more that goes behind this but i would end up writing war and peace.
Anyway, thats when i packed a bag walked out and went to take my son out for a few hours.
My wife wants me to tell my ex to stay out of our lives. I find my ex annoying and she does message for stupid reasons, to an extent i see my wifes point. But also find her hypocritical when we change plans and run around doing pickups and dropoffs for her ex.
I asked her if i did this, would it change anything, and she said quite possibly not.
We are literally clinging on by our fingernails. I will loose my wife, my girls, my home, our business, our whole life we have built together, and my son will loose a family he is so found of. I don't know what too do.
Am i fighting a loosing battle? I feel like it. I feel like my wife has left the marriage already if i'm honest.
I am just looking for the other side of this story, advice or criticism
Thanks in advance
Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.
Antn · 07/03/2021 23:05
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.