Dh is suffering from depression

[Mumofoneandanotherontheway]

So we’ve been having quiet a few arguements recently & he’s told me today he seems very low and feels depressed (doesn’t feel like he’s doing enough etc)
He feels as though something is wrong with him but doesn’t know what. He said he spoke to the doctor about it and she recommended CBT and will catch up with him in a weeks time about considering to take Anti Depressants.
He’s got a Can’t be bothered attitude at home with me & the kids, doesn’t enjoy going out, doesn’t like a social life, he feels as though it’s effecting his work with targets etc too.
Can men or partners of male partners who have felt like this out there recommend how I can help him?
Many thanks

You can support him but until he decides to help himself theres is nothing you can do to improve his mood.
Unfortunately depression takes away your motivation to do anything, even about getting help with your depression.

Counselling may help, also anti depressants may help, but ultimately he needs to start trying to help himself.

Sitting around doing nothing doesnt help anybody feel better about anything, he needs to get up and start doing things, projects round the house, exercising just finding something to focus on really.

Maybe suggesting family trips out may help, obviously lockdown permitting so a day trip to the woods or the park with the kids?

Counselling, antedepresents. Also findng a purpose. At the moment it,s tough but jogging, cycling, daily walks, learning an instrument, learning a language can all still be done. But one needs the initial drive to do that. 9My husband also does drawing which helps.)

One thing that the two posts above don't mention is that depression is about not having the drive to do anything.

It's literally the main point of the illness, so don't berate him for it.

I've had three years of therapy to overcome my depression.

The best thing you can do is:

(1) read up on depression (check out School of Life on YouTube for great explanations)
(2) be kind, show him love and care
(3) after you've shown love and care, ask him "what matters to you right now", or "what's important to you right now" or "what do you need right now", to help him realise what's important

My DH took an online questionnaire as he refused to believe that he had a problem.
He started antidepressants as they were an actual life saver for him.
He had 2 lots of CBT, but only felt the first set helped.
He bought several books on mindfulness, and that’s something that helps him.

Thank you for the advice... daddynew I totally agree he doesn’t have the drive to do anything, I feel as though if his depression settles abit and he starts to feel abit better he may have the motivation to do something I.e exercise or diy around the house.
DinosaurDiana would you mind sharing the booking on mindfulness please? I recently purchased him a journal to help him put down thoughts and why he wants to change his mindset. Only arrived yesterday so hoping positivity like that helps too.

There are many books on it. Would he actually read one ?
My DH ‘gelled’ with his first CBT therapist but not the second, and that’s why he thought the first one was best.
I’ve found that it’s the individual finding what works for them.

My personal feelings is stay away from medication.
To get out of depression you need to (as few have mentioned above) find your goal/drive/purpose.
You need to feel like you want to pursue something you enjoy and grow as a person.
This could be anything from a hobby/interest/sport.
Obviously covid makes things hard currently but he could either pick up something he can do on his own or look to join things in the summer when we open back up.
Football/tennis/running art/new language/instrument
But ultimately this has to come from within. Having a go at someone/forcing them to do something will increase negativity.
It has to be about personal growth. Have you ever asked him what he wants out of life and what is holding him back from that?
You could also potentially start something yourself and invite him. I.e. play a sport together or go walking outdoors etc. Being out and about and having a sense of purpose will ultimately feed the soul and a drive for more.