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Dadsnet

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Original poster

Advice on child custody

11 replies

Nealkhan · 02/12/2020 20:08

Hi, I've tried talk to my wife about changing our child arrangements. We went court a year and a half ago and it was agreed then I would have the kids on the weekends every other week and we would do half each for every half term including xmas and Easter etc.

I know want to see them more regularly and I've spoken to their mum about changing the current agreement so we can do 50/50 or even 60/40 - anything more then our current arrangment..she is refusing to budge on this for some reason.

What are the next steps I can take? Do I go to court ? If so what is the procedure and what have been other peoples experiences with trying to arrange new child arrangements

OP posts:

Original poster

Nealkhan · 02/12/2020 20:09

Ex wife !!**

OP posts:

Growapair · 02/12/2020 20:15

How old are the kids and what are their feelings on it?

LemonSqueezy0 · 02/12/2020 20:16

If she won't agree then you need to go to court. You will have to book mediation first and she may or may not attend. Once that avenue is exhausted they will either help you sign the new agreement or sign the form for you to go to court. C100, costs about £200. Then it's a matter of going to court, potentially having cafcass involved to look at the situation as well. They will want to know why you want it changed, is it suitable for the child and so on. Then the court will amend the current order /write an order with the requirements on. You can represent yourself, or get a legal representative if you think its going to get complex.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/12/2020 20:22

You would first need to prove that you've been to mediation, although this isn't necessary in all cases, for instance if there has been domestic violence.

If mediation doesn't work, you can apply to the Court using Form C100. Depending on the ages of the children, they may wish to take their views into consideration and the variation isn't automatic, it will be upto the Judge to see if it's in the child's best interests.

Original poster

Nealkhan · 02/12/2020 20:27

The kids are aged 8 and 4. And I know they will not have any reservations in seeing me more..my daughter has been vocal to me that she wants to see me more (shes 8, my son is 4).

I want it changed because I just want to see my kids more and be a proper part of their life and not just the weekends. Original court order was agreed when my work wasnt that flexible but I have spoken to.work and they are very supportive and I can work flexibly now and in the future. (one good thing about lockdown).

Is that enough to change current arrangment or will the courts be looking for more ?

OP posts:

CodenameVillanelle · 02/12/2020 20:28

Mediation. Try to negotiate with a mediator without going to court.

Quartz2208 · 02/12/2020 20:32

How was it agreed the first time around in court - I know you want to see them more but it sounds like it was fought in court the first time round.

I would want to see that you are not going to want to change it again because you get a new job etc

Original poster

Nealkhan · 02/12/2020 20:54

She filed a non molestation order which was thrown out by the judge due to weak case from her side. As we were already in court both our solicitors spoke to us and we also came to a child arrangement. As I said, at that time my job wasnt flexible and now they are so when it was agreed my hands were essentially tied and I had to come to an agreement fairly quickly.

I dont plan to leave my work place anytime soon because of the flexibility they offer - if I ever do leave my work it will only because it will allow me to be flexible with my kids.

OP posts:

SD1978 · 02/12/2020 21:03

Maybe try instead of full guns to much more straight away, suggesting one day during the week initially on the off weeks? If you still get no where, then it's mediation first before trying court again.

Growapair · 02/12/2020 21:16

You’ll have to take her to court, but I wouldn’t necessarily expect it to go in your favour. I had an ‘inflexible’ job when my oh and I split up. He decided his job was more important than mine or his children though, so I had to give my up my career to do part warehouse work which I had to slot around the kids, while he decided to slot the kids around his job and just had them every weekend. If he suddenly told me now that he wanted to change the current contact arrangements and have them more due to new working hours, I’d tell him to get fucked. The kids are not there to spend time with at your own convenience.

Quartz2208 · 02/12/2020 21:33

THe other thing to remember is you have half the good times - the weekend and the holidays. The days you dont have are the graft the hard work they arent the fun times - where do you live in terms of school and travel?

Have you asked for one weeknight tea for example or one night in the week. What is your weekend 1 2 or 3 nights - maybe increase that up

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