Dating as a Dad

stout · 2020-10-31T06:31:21+00:00

Just wondering how others find this really. My kids are young 5-12 which makes more challenging. The crux for me is do I feel like can I go for something serious whilst the kids are young (having been with ex for 12 years 6 of which married). Or do I keep light and only look at something more serious when the kids are older, Im 40 now so would be looking like nearer 50 if chose that route. Must be some 'interesting' stories out there.

IEat · 31/10/2020 16:59

See what happens. No point dismissing a serious one if it happens because the kids are little then never having that in the future. Just remember to be sure and take your time to introduce kids to the new person, they dont need a string of people in their lives who leave after a week. Enjoy, have fun. Chill.

BikerWife · 31/10/2020 17:11

Go over to step parenting forum and read the thread about 'would you miss your step dc of you never saw them again'. It's full of well written posts about the complexities of these types of relationship and mistakes that parents and new partners often make.

I'm a step mum to a 12 year old boy, met DH when DSS was 5. We are blissfully happy... Being a step parent has nearly broken me a few times over the years though!

Original poster

stout · 31/10/2020 19:10

BikerWife thanks yes Ive seen that thread and it is quite interesting.
My situation is a bit complicated as eldest is mainly with me but the others come more on a weekend. Currently on a Sunday.

Do you mind me asking how you've found it.

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Original poster

stout · 31/10/2020 19:12

Ive not introduced anyone to kids but that could change next year.

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Codexdivinchi · 31/10/2020 19:24

I don’t know if it will stay this way but ex and I have sort of mutually agreed that our main focus is making the kids feel secure, stable and still apart of ‘one family’. We really have tried to make the split as ‘easy’ as possible for them. We have a very fluid way that children are allowed to be at either one of our houses when they want. We both earn roughly the same so no CM is given to either side as the kids roughly spend equal at our houses.

I’ve no interest of bringing another man in to their lives at this age. Ex says he feels the same.

I know this may not last forever though!

Original poster

stout · 31/10/2020 19:55

@Codexdivinchi

I don’t know if it will stay this way but ex and I have sort of mutually agreed that our main focus is making the kids feel secure, stable and still apart of ‘one family’. We really have tried to make the split as ‘easy’ as possible for them. We have a very fluid way that children are allowed to be at either one of our houses when they want. We both earn roughly the same so no CM is given to either side as the kids roughly spend equal at our houses.

I’ve no interest of bringing another man in to their lives at this age. Ex says he feels the same.

I know this may not last forever though!

This sounds very sensible and I would have agreed to something like this and perhaps even keeping a partner away from kids (yeah I know some would frown at that...).

Unfortunately that was never going to be the case with us as she waited no time to find someone and intro to kids

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Guineapigbridge · 03/12/2020 00:52

I'd start from the assumption that whoever you bring into your life probably isn't going to like your kids very much, or tolerate them very much, and go from there. I know that sounds awful but it seems to be the case from what I've read from here.

Wibble01 · 13/12/2020 17:34

@Guineapigbridge

I'd start from the assumption that whoever you bring into your life probably isn't going to like your kids very much, or tolerate them very much, and go from there. I know that sounds awful but it seems to be the case from what I've read from here.

It does unfortunately seem to be the conclusion sadly