It's hit the fan

[deanlee123]

Hello all.

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post you're about to read.

I (30) was a bad relationship where the last 5 years saw me physically assaulted by the ex-partner (28). As a male, I never reported this on the basis that I never thought I'd be believed.

The ex was also abusing her two older children but never the child we shared.

The relationship ended this February following her two oldest children (8 & 9) made false allegations that I had assaulted them but they stated at the time it was never my own child (5). Ex-partner started a new relationship with an 18 year old in the days that followed.

I left the family home in February but against the wishes of the Local Authority, my ex-partner continued contact between myself and our child on the basis that I would not tell the truth.

A few months down the line (May), she stopped all contact including video calls. She had already threatened that she will do this following her threats to kill me (all calls were recorded).

In July my child informed the Local Authority that the ex-partner had been physically abusing him. July saw all three children placed on the Child Protection Register under the categories Physical Abuse and Emotional Abuse.

Since the children have been placed on the register, I have spent countless hours each night putting things together to take legal action for custody of my child. This is meant to be heard on 3/11/20.

However, at the start of this week I had a call from the Local Authority to state that they had a few concerns in relation to my child.

During the call, they informed me that my ex-partner has not been engaging at all, constantly missing appointments, children and mum are never at home, my child was not given a packed lunch for school and no meal was paid for and he has been without his glasses for the past two months. I advised that going forward I will make payment to the school so that he can have a warm and healthy meal.

The following day I had another call, this time to inform me that my child had stayed overnight at a relative of the ex-partner. This relative is not allowed near children due to police involvement they have had and the nature of the involvement. During this call, the Local Authority advised that they are making arrangements for a Public Law Outline to remove the children from the care of my ex.

Another day later, I get yet ANOTHER call from the LA. This time they stated that the ex-partner is refusing to allow me to pay for my childs school meal.

Thursday (day 4), a panel meeting made the unanimous decision to keep the children's names on the child protection register under the new categories of Physical Abuse and Neglect.

Safe to say, I will continue to fight for custody of my child although this is likely to be delayed due to the PLO.

Is there any advise that anyone can give me in this situation?

[picklemewalnuts]

Keep talking to the professionals involved. Be honest with them. Tell them the truth about previous situations- it wasn't clear to me whether you'd admitted an accusation of abuse in return for access.

Make sure school are aware of your involvement.

Presumably you still have PR, so she can't stop you paying for school meals.

Do you have suitable arrangements for your child to live with you full time? Childcare? Space? You need to get organised. Why did you leave your child with an abusive woman?

[Merryweather80]

Wow!
Your poor child and step kids.
They've been through an awful lot. So have you.
Was there no way you could have taken your child with you in February?

Definitely keep working with the LA. Talk to your child as much as possible. Reassure then you are working hard to get you both together, permanently. You nayb need to get counselling Fir your child and as a family. Keep a record of everything said, done, what you are doing etc
How could she stop you from paying for a warm healthy meal? Surely once it's paid for it will be provided.
Can you get whoever is looking after your child to take them to the optician? Unless they had an eye test in the last six months, a new prescription can't be issued, so unfortunately no glasses. Will the ex it take them to school?
Your ex sounds awful. I just don't know how she could treat anyone, let alone a child so badly.

I'm sorry for you and the children that you are going through this. Let's hope the courts sort out custody - quickly!