Dating post divorce

[safeordangerous]

Just looking for views really whether from a male or female perspective.

I'm recently divorced (spit from my ex just under two years ago when she asked me to leave). It's been a bit of a rollercoaster, I have four children (eldest 12 / youngest 5) from the relationship that I see regularly (every other weekend and on my non weekend I will usually see on a Suday).Additionally my eldest has started to gravitate to mine as his relationship has always been a bit volatile with ex and I think he just needs additional time with me / bit less time in family home as ex has a new partner that has two young children that spend a fair amount of time in the r family home and shes also recently had a new baby.

Ive done some dating over the past couple of years on and off. The latest is going OK and I'm hopeful it might lead somewhere.

I've got my own house, 3 bedrooms. Modest area but the house is quite nice and decent size.

I'd like a new partner to share some time and experiences. Im not looking to move in with someone on a full time basis and wouldnt want to for a few years I'd imagine. I see my exs situation and it appears pretty chaotic. Id rather be single than enter into such a relationship.

I suppose my question is are there women out there that are interested in a slow burning relationship which would develop over time. Exclusive but obvioisly a bit time constraint. If she had children n of her own that would be fine with me. The women I've dated I've always been upfront with on my situation and whilst there's an initial excitment it seems to fizzle out when the realisation hits that in the short term at least time together would be limited (although I certainly have the time to see someone regularly just need to balance with kids and work).

[Ihave2dogs2cats5dc]

Sounds like a fwb arrangement might be more suitable.
There might be some women equally not intrrested in moving and the whole thing but you just have to keep trying, be upfront about what you want and can and cannot offer. Not much you can do about it if they initially agree then realise its not what they want or if it all fizzles out if you are putting in the effort to keep it intetesting. Like realistically are you only free to meet once or twice a month? Are you much of textet/caller to keep it going between dates? Because if you don't have the time right now to prioritise love life then i wouldn't put high hopes into finding something serious and as i said, look for a fwb arrangement...or stay celibate for a while.

[safeordangerous]

I think realistically I'm free Friday evening and Saturday every other weekend.
I can additionally meet up once / twice in the week (on an ongoing basis).
On top of that there would be more time together at weekends once kids had been introduced, but Id be mindful of keeping a bit of time for just me and kids.
Yeah Im quite good on keeping up with thr messages and message every day pretty much, at least exchange a couple of messages.
Think im going to see how this pans out with current person Im dating amd go from there. I thought she was wobbling but I think Ivr misread based on out messages yesterday.

In the FWB thing. To be honest there's no one that I know although there is someone Ive chatted with a bit (through OLD) which i I get the impression might be more looking for casual. But that aside how do you go about it. Join Tinder and state looking for casual

[Hazelnutlatteplease]

God yes! Something like this would suit me down to the ground! Im not sure how you find it though, cos if I did it be in it. I wouldn't be on dating sites cos i could live without the hassle of dating generally and could only other more or less what you're suggesting. I suspect you're more likely to find it be asking around mates. blind dates friend of a friend kind of thing.

[Mintjulia]

Yes, I'm a single mum of a 12yo. A less intense relationship is ideal, no need to live in each other's pockets, accept that for a couple of years the dcs come first but have someone to share things with.

I dated for a while but after six months he told me I needed to "get rid" - his words - of ds at least 50% of the time or the relationship couldn't progress.

I think you'd get plenty of interest in a more gentle pace, as long as you make clear that's what it is, and not disinterest. Good luck

[safeordangerous]

Thanks Hazelnut. Think I need to broaden my network then haha! Good to know Im not alone in this boat so to speak.
Thanks Ihave2.. also!

[WouldBeGood]

I think it sounds fine. I’m a single parent with no desire to live with someone as my dc come first after a really difficult split. I see my partner very much as you describe and also go on holidays and stuff. It works really well as it’s child free adult time so refreshing and fun! I think lots of people would be up for this kind of thing. I think we will see more of each other when the dcs are older but for now it suits us both.

[safeordangerous]

Thanks Mintjulia. Got it gentler pace. Think Im getting an idea now.

[WouldBeGood]

And I did meet my DP on tinder 😃

[safeordangerous]

@WouldBeGood

I think it sounds fine. I’m a single parent with no desire to live with someone as my dc come first after a really difficult split. I see my partner very much as you describe and also go on holidays and stuff. It works really well as it’s child free adult time so refreshing and fun! I think lots of people would be up for this kind of thing. I think we will see more of each other when the dcs are older but for now it suits us both.

That sounds ideal

[safeordangerous]

@WouldBeGood

And I did meet my DP on tinder 😃

[NiceandCalm]

This is the exact set up I have with my DP. I think it's quite common when there are kids involved. Maybe on the w/e's you don't see each other, do facetime chats, keep up the momentum, let them know you are thinking of them.