Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Help with evil ex girlfriend

6 replies

Danny8t6 · 06/08/2020 16:32

hi I've been advised to come on here and see if anyone else has been in a similar situation that could help me.

A quick summary of our relationship before I begin!

10 year relationship with 2 kids both boys which the oldest isn't mind but I took him on as my own and put my name on his birth certificate which I know now is illegal to do but I was young and thought I was doing the right thing. Through the relationship she cheated on me dozens of times but only knew about the 2 with the 1st one me forgiving her (wish I didn't) the 1st time she was never home and wouldn't come home to our kids for nearly 6 months leaving me to bring them up on my own. Drinks and partying was all she did during then. The 2nd time is when we finally split because she was pretending to be at work but instead she was sleeping with a guy up the road from us and was going to stay away with him and left the kids with me again. She has had social services out 3 times and school didn't like her and told her she wasn't allowed to take them home for a few days while they stay with me at a friends. That finally got her attention and she came home but demanded she wants the kids or else.

Fast forward a few months after months of heart ache she met her current boyfriend which she then needed me as a babysitter off course, which without a doubt I had them every weekend and through the week sometimes. At the time she was always down my mums telling us about her life and how amazing her boyfriend is and even showing me photos of him on days out with him holding my kids. I was hurt by the fact another man the boys hardly know is taking over my role as a dad but I also didn't let her get into my head. 6 months had gone by and sadly I lost my sister to which she came to the funeral but even on that day she broke her neck to tell us all she's pregnant but i couldn't care less and i did say congratulations. (She did end up losing the baby) wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Then I met a really nice girl who couldn't be any more loving and such a mature person. She has a 8 yr old daughter and both her and her ex have her 50/50 and both adore her and share everything equally with no drama so you can imagine the embarrassment will going rhrough with my ex. Anyway after a few months we introduced both my 2 boys and her daughter together and had a really good evening and instantly they all liked each other. Fast forward more and i was having them every weekend without fail but then trouble started as soon as they was going back telling their mum how much they love it at my girlfriends and what they do she ended up shouting at them and saying she doesn't want to hear it.( this was from my oldest when he next came down). My youngest was so attached to my girlfriend but then my ex decided to get jealous and told him she was really ill and this is the sick part but she used (shown him the blood from (lady's time of the month) and told him she could die. Sorry to be crude here but thats how sick she is. And after that he wouldn't stay with me and had to watch him stay in the car with his mum and boyfriend. I finally had him again after a few weeks of fighting for him and I asked him why he didn't want to stay and thats when he told me what I just said above. I had her about it but she just twists it and stops me seeing them again. Then she decides that she couldn't cope with my oldest and demanded he lives with us whichbi was happy to do and a few months he changed so much. Now I am now having a baby with my girlfriend but before this my kids was told by her boyfriend that when I have another kid I wont love them anymore. ( he's as bad as her) fast forward to where I am now actually having a baby I told them both in a surprise to which they obviously told their mum and then suddenly she wanted our oldest back. That's the last time I seen my kids (3 months ago) she will no longer let me have them and has now told my oldest he isn't my son and now he hates me and doesn't want to ever see me. I finally got to hear from him last night which he told me on the phone I can talk to him on the phone but he doesnt want to see me. (He's only 11) it hurt so much but I had to respect his wishes and I've recorded the call but I couldn't show him I was mad and upset. On top of all this I have her parents who is as bad as she is or worse causing trouble and telling my kids to call my girlfriend names and some of the sick stuff they have been told to say. Bother her and her boyfriend have fully turned my kids and its hard to believe how they could be so happy at mine and then now I dont even know them anymore and I can't do anything about it. Even if I win at court and get access at weekends anything I do to make them happy she will interfere. My youngest is such a mummy's boy and will listen and do what ever she says. I've had those kids more then she has and have watched them for months cry over their mum when she never came home but thats the past and i can't do anything about it now. I feel so suicide and on top of it I have to hide it all from my girlfriend because I dont want that drama around her and her daughter. Which I have recently found out I am finally having a little girl ive always wanted so god knows how thats going to play out when the ex finds that out because she can't have kids now and she's also wanted a girl. I'm jot the one to show off or rub it in her face and thats why I couldn't tell themnlast night on the phone they are having a baby sister otherwise I would risk not getting to hear them again. Its took 3 months to hear there voice and that was only because they asked about child support maintenance (why is a 11 and 8 yr old asking me them questions?

Wow sorry to rant on guys and I've only gave you a small portion of what she puts me through. She is very clever and its not just her I'm fighting for my kids with, its her boyfriend and her parents. It gets me so mad because he has only known my kids a yr and already he has control over them which I also forgot to mention that everything im on the phone to my kids I always hear him in the background telling her to put the phone down and ive been blocked of my kids phones and playstation account. I just can't take it anymore

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 07/08/2020 18:23

Only got about 2/3rds of the way through.

but

Get legal real advice

Go to court to get access.

reeny19 · 12/08/2020 12:55

What the above post said, go to court. She can’t legally refuse you access to your boys.

Best thing you can do in the meantime is keep going and try not to let any of this get to you - she’s doing these things to hurt you as she doesn’t want to see you do well. Don’t let her win.

You’re about to have a daughter, that’s wonderful. Enjoy it. Eventually your boys will be old enough to escape the manipulation at home and make their own minds up as older teenagers/adults. They will see through the bullshit eventually.

Charlieread1 · 14/08/2020 13:58

Go get legal.advice, I know it's hard as it gives a finality too it, but you have to.

Brokensunrise · 14/08/2020 14:03

You will have to get proper legal advice. I'm not sure you'll be given a right to see the boy that isn't biologically your son. Keep trying to talk to them both.

Buttercupsandroses · 14/08/2020 14:38

Definitely agree see a lawyer the court takes this kind of situation seriously

Madhatter87 · 25/08/2020 04:36

Morning,

Been through similar actions myself, I have 2 daughters and have been accused of hitting them and neglecting them over the past 3 years since splitting from my ex, I finally had had enough after bowing down to her demands and went to a solicitor.

They advised me that the courts ask you to go to mediation first before legal proceedings unless there is a risk of domestic violence.
Either party can request this and if either side is on benefits then both have access to legal aid (makes it fair and unbiased to who has the biggest purse).

After the threat of this to my ex she soon turned her attention to everything being dragged up and put on the table. As she had a past record of let’s say accusations against others for unspeakable untruths she changed her mind. Not before trying to accuse me of being a monster. Soon she realised that she would of become unstuck and in the eyeline of social services to which she changed her whole demeanour and allowed me to see my kids again.

I have since found new love and are now expecting a child with my new partner, my kids love her and her son loves me even if he’s a smell teen lol.

No matter what good in your life your ex will try her best to put a stop to it. My advice would be to seek a good solicitor or get in contact with cafcass as they know what there doing.

You are not alone my friend and plenty of people feel your pain too. My solicitor helped me by just sending a letter and it helped. Sometime it’s the reality of it that helps but keep your chin up and nose clean. Record all conversations and keep any messages between you your ex and the kids no matter how small or sill it seems it all helps. Talk with your new love and explain how you feel and what’s going on in your mind it will help with how you are feeling and give you and your gf a sense of openness in the relationship, you will be suprised how strong you can be come as a couple.

Congratulations on becoming a dad again.

Madhatter

New posts on this thread. Refresh page