Tips for someone freaking out pre-arrival

[ChunkyMunky1989]

My wife's due in mid-August, and I'm having waves of freaking out that I'm not ready/haven't lived my life/reminiscing about all the times when I went out until 5am with no ties. Lockdown hasn't helped as I was planning on getting a lot of this 'out of my system', which obviously hasn't happened. Is it normal to be freaking out about this, and does anyone have any tips around how to get past it? I'm incredibly excited about the birth and the different types of enjoyment this will bring, and have been telling myself that I've lived a good life, my life isn't fully over (just for the first few months) etc., but any other input or experiences would be greatly appreciated!

It's normal but my tip to you as a new dad is, don't be selfish. Plan on the first 6 months of that baby's life as being totally dedicated to the task of making your partner's life as a new mother easier. A lot of men become very selfish after a baby's born (playing playstation instead of washing bottles, or going out more) and the resentment this causes really stays with the mothers and often causes breakups.
I'd say that the incredible way my husband supported me in the months after our babies were born is the thing that drew us together and cemented our relationship.

All those feelings you're feeling; she's feeling them too.

My tips for a happy life post-baby:

• be on the same page with parenting a baby. Read some books about eating and sleeping routines (yes you, read them!) and plan to put them in place.
• if she plans to breastfeed, that's great, it's an amazing gift to give a baby. After about 4-6 weeks though, once breastfeeding is established, alot of families find it easier to mix feed (that is, give a bottle sometimes). Mix feeding can allow for more flexibility for the father to be involved and can take the pressure off the breastfeeder significantly. We followed a routine that allowed for a formula feed from a bottle for the last feed of the day at 7pm. That allowed me, as a new mother, to hand the baby over to dad so I could go to bed early or have some time away from the baby. It also meant that the baby settled quickly.

You're a grown-up, and this is going to be the biggest adventure of your life if you can step up to it. Your single friends will envy you. You are lucky, and it will be amazing at least- as much as it's tough. It's not for wimps, but you can do it, and do it well.

As a friend of many new fathers I'd say stop freaking. Your life is not over. You will still have nights out while mother is with baby but similarly she will have nights out while you are with baby. Share the load and make sure you both have a night off now and then equally. Seriously. The new little one will become so much your life you wont want to tear yourself away but take turns once in a while to see friend and be your old self too. Congratulations on your new baby! Stop fretting, it will be awesome!!

It's fine, these are completely normal worries! I second what MusicTeacherSussex said. At some point, probably after the first couple of months (and naturally, depending on where things are at with lockdowns/going out etc), you should arrange a couple nights out. One for you and one for her. Plan on there being one Saturday night where she's out, followed by a Sunday morning when you're up and she gets a lie-in. And vice versa. Your friends will definitely not forget who you are!
Oh, and in my experience, the little pleasures also get heightened. Those two beers in your quiet front room when everybody else is asleep and you're catching up on a little TV before heading to sleep yourself? You might not think much of them now, but they will taste better than any two beers you have had in your life.