libido gone out the window being new Dad

[TreetopsTim]

I'm feeling a bit useless at the mo in terms of my relationship with my wife. We've not been intimate for a while - the baby was born in December 2 months premature and I am not a young Dad (46). I work hard (who doesn't these days?), and I feel tired early in the evening, so try to go to bed early. I do the early feeds (between 5 and 7).. and at weekends, once that's done I tend to get up, occasionally going back to lie a bit longer.
We're going to put the little one in his own room soonish..not sure if that will re-awaken my dead libido.
My wife is a pretty and a super mum, but is upset because she feels like I'm showing no interest.. but she doesn't jump on me either at the moment.
Anyone else been here? will it get better? do I need to worry?

I know several couples who didn't have sex the first year. They were too tired and too busy to want to. Having a new baby can take quite some adjusting. They all went on to have more children, some of them surprise pregnancies so I guess that things went back to normal after that.

She's probably a little upset as she may be feeling insecure with her new body and just need reassurance from you that you still find her attractive. While sex may be off the cards you can still show her attention and demonstrate your love.

It's very easy to fall into your new roles as Mum and Dad and forget to be Husband and Wife. It will get easier when the baby sleeps through and is in their own roo, you just have to remember to make time and save energy for one another.

thanks Rumtopf and Isthisfinallyit - appreciate your perspectives

I'm not surprised, new babies are totally exhausting. Especially at 46.
I had mine at 21 and went back to work when he was 6 weeks old and could hardly make it through the day, then you are up all night with the screaming.
I don't know how anyone has post baby sex. Of course it gets better, kids grow up very quickly.
Don't be so hard on yourself, I think the important thing here is communication and making sure your partner knows you still find her very attractive but are just tired.
I expect she is too by the sound of it.

I would say it's fairly normal to both be exhausted. I would also say alot of new mums will feel unattractive and not themselves bodywise. Please reassure her it's not about her physical attributes, but about being knackered. You don't want to let this fester when its as easy as just really communicating about it.

The herbal supplement Ashwaghanda
Is really great for this kind of thing. It generally helps give you energy but it also has a positive impact on both men and women’s libido and is fairly inexpensive
That plus, if you eventually are able to have someone help with the baby, regular date nights or full evenings just the two of you, getting back to seeing each other in a couple sort of way without feeling like “Mum and Dad” will honestly help a lot. Even if it’s just once a month.

Honestly, coming from a mum of 2 boys (3yr and 1 year) .. you've nothing to worry about. It's normal. How are things now? Any change at all?

@LJenn Thanks for your perspective. not much change more recently, but at least we're planning to move baby to his cot in his own room soon - that might buy us a little more 'just us' time where we can be more intimate. I do actually think my wife is pretty exhausted, but I think it is natural for her to wish to feel 'desired' physically. I'm sure we'll get back to some normality in not too distant future.