Boy is classed as 'Extremely Vulnerable' can't see him

[BirdofHermes]

Hello,

First time poster, I've had a pretty rough time with my ex partner getting a contact arrangement in place, but I did manage and have had some great time with my little boy since last summer.
However he has asthma and the GP classed him as extremely vulnerable so I haven't had my contact since the 10th March.
The sad thing is that the guidance is that the resident parent has full control to do whatever is necessary to keep the child safe which obviously now means keeping him away from me.
The government guidance is crap, and generalized, and aimed mostly at elderly grandparents and older people who are at risk, not children with asthma who aren't really at risk. But she seems to be stringing it out for as long as she possibly can..

No advice, but didn't want to read and run.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, how old is your little boy? Have you managed to at least have facetime with him at all?

I'm assuming he must have very severe asthma to be classed as extremely vulnerable. My 9 year old has mild asthma that is usually well controlled with a steroid inhaler and the occasional use of the blue ventolin inhaler. He is classed as vulnerable. If your son is classed as extremely vulnerable then your ex must be very scared about the risk to him. I appreciate this must be very difficult for you and your son but your son needs to be shielding and only going out if he needs to be in hospital. Can you do FaceTime or Skype with him?

He had some attacks I'm told when he was little, and some trips to the hospital. I wasn't seeing him then. Since then he has been on medication, oral steroids and preventative inhaler and the blue inhaler in emergencies. I'm a medical professional and I live by myself so I feel it is fairly manageable, and sadly she told a great deal of lies about me in the past to try and prevent me having access to my son.
He is two years old, and in spite of the guidance and medical advise there isn't really a risk to children of his age even with severe asthma with Covid-19.

I don't know how much you know about asthma but that is a lot of meds needed to keep your son stable. I get scared when my son's asthma is bad and I worry about what would happen if he got covid-19. My son's asthma is much much less problematic than your son's. If I was your son's mum I would be terrified about him getting covid-19 and doing everything in my power to prevent that from happening.

I'm a medical professional and I live by myself so I feel it is fairly manageable,

Are you working at the moment or are you at home/working from home?

Most of the medical professionals I know have moved out of home to protect children/family members in the shielding list. I think Skype or FaceTime is probably the way forwards.

But... children with asthma are at risk... why are you thinking he isn’t?? (His doctors think he is) You don’t know that your son isn’t vulnerable?

You’re not shielding so - I mean what is your point exactly - if course she can’t hand your son over, you’re ignoring the guidelines and denying their validity. You’re still going out to work so definitely not shielding.

My son is also on the shielded list. If my ex was not running his household as a shielded household I wouldn’t allow my child over there.

It sounds like you are thinking it’s all blown out of proportion. The shielding advice IS for children also, why are you saying it isn’t?

Sorry I don’t mean to pick on you but, saying She is “stringing it out” is just silly. Coronavirus is still here. She’s not stringing anything out. She’s aware your son is vulnerable and he continues to be vulnerable.

It must be really hard not seeing him. But if you can get on board with how responsible your ex is being you can start to find some way to interact with him again. Opposing her being careful is really not going to help. (Sorry)

• just noticed you say your son is 2. Getting classed as asthmatic that young means he is severe (doctors generally hold off labelling kids asthmatic til they are a bit older). My son has life threatening asthma, since the age of about 14 months. Was frightening and terrifying to deal with when he was 2 and it was a couple more years before he turned a corner.

Kids lungs are very vulnerable at that age and they can go downhill rapidly. Honestly I can’t believe you are saying he’s not actually at risk, that asthmatic kids are not at risk. Unless you are Chris Whitty or Tedros from the WHO with insider information you should presume he is indeed vulnerable.

The average age for an asthma diagnosis is 7.
If at 2 he has had attacks/ steroids/ an official diagnosis then i would say he has pretty sever asthma.
I cant imagne how hard it is to not see your son. But if you take the risk and he gets sick and dies you will spend your whole life missing him.
Right now his doctor says he should be shielding and his doctor knows his condition best.
It is what nest for him thats most important.
Can you skype/ video call him?

I imagine that he is at risk or he wouldn't have been classed as 'extremely vulnerable'. Don't spose your ex is doing this for fun.

What type of medical professional are you? Because your interpretation of your child's health and his vulnerability seems totally wrong from the actual facts you've provided.

The mum might be twisted and vindictive and maybe she did keep him from your with lies in the past, but in this situation she is right. It dosnt make her behaviour in the past right, and it wint be ok in the future when we have vaccinations, but right now she isnt doing this to get one over on you. She is doing the right thing.

You say your son “had some attacks when he was little” but he’s only two now so it can’t have been very long ago. And if you weren’t seeing him then, how can you know how severe it was?

Given the quantity of medication, it sounds like the GP has good reason to be concerned.

It must be hard not seeing your son but his safety must come first.

I have tried skyping but he's two and can't really sit still for more than 30 seconds!
I understand how people and my ex can be scared of him catching the virus but the sad thing is he's already had it.. There was a teacher at my exs other children's school who had it, and of course by the time they found out 100s of children were infected. He got sick and went to hospital in March with suspected Covid. He ultimately was fine like most children, not really affected. I asked my ex if he should come and stay with me before he got sick when it was announced a teacher had it. Her kids were still going to school at the time! She said no, then he got sick..
I'm just concerned how long this will go on for. It could potentially be the rest of the year, and being a medical professional shouldn't prevent me indefinitely from seeing my son. I get tested every week, the virus is being drastically reduced now, I've seen it in the hospitals and I work in the North West nightingale.
Also I know it goes against the guidance but children with asthma are so unaffected by covid they're doing studies to see if this can help with treatment. Ultimately this can't just keep going forever. There needs to be a plan other than just keeping me separated from my son. www.reuters.com/article/covid19-allergy-asthma/could-asthma-and-allergy-protect-against-severe-covid-19-idUSL1N2CH122

1. the shielding list was drawn up based on medical conditions, not age (there are no age related categories at all on it).
2. only those with the most severe form of asthma are in it (the strongest suppresent drugs, previous ITU admissions)
3. the 'flu jab' group (ie the clinically vulnerable - not the exceptionally vulnerable/shield group) which nowadays is sometimes called the moderate risk group includes others with non-severe asthma.

If your DS has the non-severe asthma (and you really should know this stuff) then there is no reason why he shouid not see you.

Has he actually had a shield letter?

1. I know but I think age should be considered more of a factor seen as 0.01% of children who get covid die.. Which obviously you don't want anyone to die but they aren't high risk like they are with flu. I'm more concerned about flu than I am with covid and his asthma.
2. He was admitted to hospital about a year and a half ago and has been diagnosed with severe asthma. I wasn't allowed to see him then which was heart breaking.
3. He didn't get a shielding letter but my ex took him to the asthma specialist and they gave her a letter saying he was in the 'high risk' group. So the severely clinically vulnerable.

Pretty sure you should be allowed contact. I think she's trying to sever contact. Has she done the same with father of her other children?
It's sad when you hear about parents not being allowed to see their children. I imagine she still wants child maintenance?

Yes she did. Much successfully than she managed with me.

You work in the nightingale hospital and think it's ok to have contact with your clinically vunerable child?

Just checking I've read that right

Doesn’t help with contact now, if he’s vulnerable and you’re working in hospitals it’s a very tricky situation. For now you could try reading his bedtime story to him over video call. This has worked with a friends child who is only 2.

Well, I guess my only hope is that the government relaxes the rules around shielding and tries to take into account is isn't only elderly people with health conditions that are affected.. But I doubt it.

"and tries to take into account is isn't only elderly people with health conditions that are affected"

The shield group has never been defined even partially by age.

The government has always taken into account that all age groups are represented in the list.

Trying to get the wider public to recognise that it's not an age related group is a bit of an uphill struggie though. Especially as out of sight is all too easily out of mind