Not sure what to do - new partner / kids

[Bobty123]

Hi,

So first off let me say that I would NEVER put anyone before my kids, no one.

Recently with this covid-19 situation with myself and my partner being key workers, I spoke with my ex about her keeping the kids until we have more info about everything. 1 of our kids has bad asthma and the other a genetic condition that can effect his heart, so I didn’t want to put them at risk.

6 weeks passed and now I am having them again on weekends and a day in the week.

The first weekend we had the kids my partner completely changed and wasn’t happy with anything and stayed upstairs remainder of weekend.

Now we’ve had issues, who hasn’t, but every time it always comes down to me and my relationship with my kids. My partner doesn’t ever seem happy with what I do.

I understand some of her frustrations with my kids as they are very attached and I can’t walk out the room without them shouting me, can’t go the toilet without them standing outside shouting dad. But a lot of the time it seems to me it’s nothing major, it’s kids things.

Example them being loud when playing, I get that it can be loud and annoying but it’s when they’re playing, I would understand it if they were being loud just for being loud, but they’re playing and having fun.

We have the dining room set up as a play room where they have their toys and tv with PlayStation, first weekend back one of my boys wanted us to watch a film together in living room, my partner said that I should take myself and kids into the play room to go watch it with them.

Completely wants to avoid any time spend with the kids and then complains they don’t like her don’t want anything to do with her.

I have tried explaining that she is the adult and the kids needs her attention and would open up more to her if she went to them and asked basic things like ‘how was your day?’ ‘Have a nice sleep?’ But there’s nothing from her, but then expects them to be the one to go to her with everything.

I feel she treats them like they’re adults and should do everything themselves. And now the argument is that I’m spending too much time with them on the weekends and spending not enough time with her. I have my kids 2 days over weekend, I’m going to spend as much time as possible with them and can spend the time with her in the night is my point. Not good enough for her.

Opinions?

Thanks.

HopeYouStepOnALego (great name btw haha)

This is where I completely understand her frustration sometimes as is the same for me... although it doesn’t happen a lot, it does. And it would be simple stuff like ‘can I have a drink please’ and I would have to tell them to wait until I had finished at which point they would go back downstairs, it’s not like they both sit outside the toilet just waiting for me to do my business haha but this frustrates her to the point that she can’t speak or interact with them and will go sit upstairs, rather than I have dealt with the situation, it’s done, move on.

And we are renting.

Windyatthebeach

Funny enough, as each week went by I wasn’t having them she would always ask me ‘what’s happening with kids? Are we having them and then it’s back to normal?’

And there you have it.
Her prefered normal is a life without your dc sadly...

Of course they’re following him around. They’re probably uncomfortable being left alone with the snotty girlfriend

I have to echo what previous posters have said - it can never work if she doesn't like your kids. Some people are naturally good with kids, others not so much. But it sounds to me like she is making zero effort, she actively dislikes the kids and isn't even bothering to hide it. They annoy her and she doesn't like sharing your attention with them. At 8 they will definitely pick up on that. Imagine how they must feel...

You need to have a very serious conversation with her about this and if nothing changes she needs to go.