What to do relationship advice

[Johndoe101]

Hello I'm new to this as you can probably tell I have been in a relationship for ten years with my miss and had problems often in this period I have children with my other half and love them and her to bits they are my world.
but over the course of 10 years I have been cheated on numerous times and found out my partner had slept with people and one being well pregnant just want thoughts and advice on my situation as don't know what to do or say.

If you're happy, stay. If you're not happy, leave. It is really as simple as that.

I am happy and want to stay with her as i love her but have bad trust issues now and also have kids that I can't or don't want to leave so not as simple as that really

@Johndoe101 if she has cheated on you numerous times, including while pregnant, are you sure the children are all yours? I would look into getting a paternity test done ASAP through a credible company.

It is also unlikely that she will stop cheating - she has proven over and over that she doesn’t love you nor care about your relationship. Separation needs to be considered if you’re unwilling to continue having her cheat.

I 100% advise going through court for a contact order, unfortunately if she’s the type to cheat she’s also the type to withhold or fuck about with you seeing your children. Depending on ages and your ability to care for your children, you can ask for 50/50 residency.

I’m very sorry you’re in this situation and I hope you manage to figure it out.

OK, so if you won't leave, then you need to accept that you'll be cheated on and that the children might not be yours, and make peace with that. Those are your options - i know which I'd take, but if you won't salvage your self respect and leave with your dignity intact, then you'll have to accept what you've got and learn to be happy with it.

I'd ask for a DNA test, couples counselling if you choose to stay and maybe counselling for yourself to help manage your feelings.
Personally I'd leave it might be hard but it will be worth it and she doesn't love you the way you love her unfortunately.

Thanks for the advice was just curious to what others thought I don't need a DNA as I know the children are mine no doubt about that not a worry of mine

Id strongly suggest you grow a spine and leave, but if you won't then i hope you find peace with your situation.

I know my only options are to leave or be a mug for rest of life but either one isn't nice and not easy to do so just torn and stuck

If you're going to be a mug make sure you're cheerful about it. Unhappy together parents are much worse than happy separated parents, so you if youre not able to be happy being cheated on, i would leave.

Also, definitely get a paternity test, because otherwise you'll end up paying maintenance for children who aren't yours.

The children are definitely mine no doubt like I said and if it comes to it and I leave I do not mind about paying for them it not a problem nobody can be cheerful about being a mug I wish there was a better solution to all this thanks again for the input

If you can't ne cheerful about it, then i think you need to leave. It's completely unfair to subject children to an atmosphere like that. You may not like it but you're a parent, so you don't get to be selfish anymore, and you have to do what is best for your kids.

I totally understand what you mean as far as the children nothing is effecting them its just my head that is affected by all this mentally finding it all hard and scared it will get worse

I think unfortunately you're being quite naive about how much your children will pick up on. If you're miserable and angry and resentful, if your relationship with their mother is an unhappy one, they will know and it will have an impact.

Growing up with a bad relationship as your role model can be incredibly damaging, not just in childhood. It can affect the relationships you have way into the future. Please, for the sake of your children, seriously reconsider. They'll figure out that something is wrong, and they'll likely end up resenting you for the impact it has on them.

Hi I'm looking for some advice
My partner and I had a baby boy 6 weeks ago it was a very traumatic birth at the start I couldn't bond with him as I was struggling because I was so traumatised and almost lost my partner , we argued a lot and she left with my son to stay with her mum and now shes said it's over, I honestly envisioned so much for the future with this women , weve had ups and downs in the relationship, all relationships do and I'm just so lost without them right now, I havent seen them both for 2 weeks and I really struggling , I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I think my partner has post partum depression, what do I do, I dont want our relationship to end and I want us to be a family again, I want to support her and stick by her but you cant tell someone to they love you and you cant force them to get backtogether with you, I miss my son so much. Do I keep fighting for our relationship or let her go, I'm staying strong for my son right now it's the only thing keeping me strong

@machine221 you need to start your own thread so that people can give you advice, i recommend posting in relationships.

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow I would think that if anyone posted the original OP's message on the relationship thread then the overwhelming response would be to leave, albeit with emotional support from the posters on there.

@Machine221 yes, I would consider posting a new thread and make it on the relationship thread for more traffic. It must be a difficult situation but it's also a fairly recent situation so it probably wouldn't be sensible to rush into any decisions. You are entitled to access to your son though. You should express your readiness to provide support for her whatever her decision is but that you expect to be involved as the father. Try and be sensitive and focus at the moment on wanting to be a hands on Dad rather than your relationship with her.

That's just one opinion - consider the relationship thread for more advice. In my experience based on the dadsnet page v other pages on Mumsnet, women tend to be much more communicative.