Don’t know what to think anymore

[Lost1979]

I’d like to know what others think of the current situation I find myself in my marriage?
For about the last 5 years my wife will only have sex with me if she’s really drunk 🥴 I’ve tried talking so many times and it always ends up being something that is blamed on me? It ends up that any night we go out together we will get wasted and I’ll admit to encouraging this as I know it’s the only way we will end up in bed together...

When we do go out I feel she does everything she can distance herself from me and has even left me to go to other pubs with friends, makes me feel like she doesn’t want to socialise or can’t have a good night with me .

Really making me think as last weekend we were sitting having a glass of wine and she was yawning saying how tired she was as soon as her friends called on Houseparty she was away chatting and life of the party. As soon as they finished the call straight to bed on her own ? Many nights we go out she’s tired and gets to bed at a decent time, then if it’s her friends she can stay up and isn’t ever too tired to have a laugh and fun night.

My question is I guess am I kidding myself that we can ever fix this ? Is she just not bothered about sex or she getting it elsewhere? I’ve offered to call it a day loads of times as to me she has no interest in me at all ??

So confused 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’m not sure why you’re focussed on the sex aspect. Are you not more concerned that your wife doesn’t want to spend time with you?

She’s probably specifically avoiding you when she drinks because you use it as an excuse to pester her for sex.

I’m upset about both aspects to be honest? I don’t pester her for sex anytime as it’s killed me for years being rejected every time? We get on ok apart from only having sex 5 or so times a year and recently I’ve noticed or it’s getting worse the fact she doesn’t seem to be interested in involving me as me and her together on a night out? Maybe it’s all my fault and I’ve been transformed into a miserable boring man

What’s the rest of your day to day life together like?

Could it just be that sometimes she wants some time with her friends (without you)?

What’s she actually said when you’ve spoken to her about it?

I work long days and full time and she works part time so we get on ok but don’t get much time together on our own? This is why it hurts me so much that she seems to want to chat with anyone apart from me on a night out..

When we’ve spoken about the above she just denies it’s what’s happening and doesn’t see anything wrong with her behaviour towards me, I just get told I’m paranoid.

Regarding the sex I have heard her response as to why she feels like she does, but her actions prevent us ever making our relationship stronger and fun again.. and being a man if I do all the things she asks me to for a month and nothing changes I (wrongly) think why bother??

Hmm, tricky. Sex in a relationship should be as much about a mental connection as a physical one and the fact that she only seems to want to have sex if she's really drunk seems to indicate that she's avoiding being intimate in a spiritual/mental sense. Is she being driven away by a lack of quality time that you are spending together? Obviously it takes two to tango and you both need to bring something to the table. I think that you need to have an honest discussion about the state of your relationship. My wife and I spent years failing to deal with the truth that our relationship was over because we were just too different in terms of what we were looking for. I'm not saying that you are in the same situation but you need to see whether you have a future together. That's just one opinion - unfortunately you don't get much traffic on here - blokes are generally not great at communication. Maybe try the Relationships thread on Mumsnet for more opinions.