Unpaid childminder.....

[EricL]

How would you guys react in this situation? I'm taking offence at it but my missus says i am being silly. (Makes a change eh? )

Neighbour has given her 11 year old DD a key to her house as she is not back in til about 4pm. Girl walks home from school, opens her door, throws her bag in door, shuts door and comes round my house to call on my DD EVERY day.

Sometimes she is at my door before my DD is even home from school. First couple of times i gave her a snack too at the same time as mine but since this is happening every day i have stopped this as i am not feeding someone elses child every day.

I have now changed DD's routine to avoid this cos it is annoying me - she does homework as soon as she gets in now so this girl can't come in. She nows hangs about outside door/window and rings bell every five minutes.

My point is that my DD is never allowed into her house to play and doesn't spend any other time with my DD outside of these hours cos her own (older) friends are out playing.(her mum is an uptight cow who likes to sit in a clean and tidy child-free house - but lets not go there)

What if there is some issue of some kind during the time of walking home and 4pm? She is going to involve us first - i just know it. I hate the feeling that i am being made to feel responsible for someone elses child like this without even being asked and have organised things to avoid it - but the missus is telling me i am being cruel to her. Its not that i want to take it on on the poor girl but i want to speak to her mum about it but my DW wont let me cos i always tell it like it is and cause more problems.


Should i stop being such a heartless bastard?

[Twiglett]

tell the child she's not to come after school because that is winding down time and homework time

if she rings the bell tell her she's not to come after school because that is winding down time and homework time

IYSWIM

[EricL]

Thats what i have kind of done, but i am being told off for being cruel.

[GreatAuntieWurly]

remove batteries from the door bell??

(well that what I would do)

[dustystar]

Does her Mum know what is happening?

[Twiglett]

are you being told off by someone who happens to be out of the house when this child calls round by any chance?

[southeatsastras]

my nephew (11) is doing this at the moment. i wonder if it's because he doesn't like being alone (though don't know if he is). at that age i don't suppose it will last that long. maybe she's worried at home alone.

[flowerybeanbag]

Speak to the 'uptight cow' neighbour and say that you are uneasy about being made to feel responsible for her DD - you understand she has given her DD a key to let herself in for 30mins/hour/whatever until she (cow) gets home, however does she realise her DD is just coming straight round to you and although you have tried to tactfully rearrange your DDs routine, it hasn't stopped her DD from hanging round outside and ringing doorbell. You are not comfortable with this as it is making you feel responsible for her DD during this time everyday, so does she (cow) think that she could address the situation, thank you very much

You do have to speak to her, that is a ridiculous situation.

[PippiLangstrump]

you are not being silly at all. It'd drive me insane. okay sometimes but NOT everyday. I think you've got to speak to the mother though.

[hotbot]

awful to say, but you reaslly dont want to encourage this child if you are alone in the house. you are not being mean, its hard enough ti take responsibilty for yuor own child.

[BigGitDad]

I actually feel sorry for the poor child being at home on her own. Obviously this has got under your skin for reasons which is understandable and you wife not being there would not know how irritating it is!
Think you should speak to her mum but I feel she will moan at the kid who will feel worse.
looks like a no win situation all round for me!

[choosyfloosy]

Very, very, very tricky. And annoying for you.

How does your dd feel about it?

Being an unhealthy personality I would press the manipulative button on this one.

Pop round to see the Mum one evening and say that you/your DW have got an interview in a couple of weeks (keep it vague) for a new job in Northampton (or wherever). Say that if it happens, you/she will have to start very quickly. Say that if you do go, you are thinking about renting the house out, possibly to your cousin 'Chris' who is a management consultant/surgeon/student and works phenomenally long hours/is a bit of a waster and has undesirable friends, but it's all such short notice he may be the best option.... Then say you're a bit worried that her child is used to coming round every day and things are going to be very up in the air for a while until you know what will be happening, and Chris will be out a lot/stoned most of the time, and you wondered if perhaps there were some after-school clubs or societies that her daughter can go to instead of coming to you every day.

Of course this story will do the rounds and you will spend a lot of time telling people that the job fell through.

Or of course you could always just tell her the truth... but i would do a lot to avoid this as perhaps you can tell...

I loved being alone in the house at 11 but this is clearly not the case for this girl. Hope you work something out.

[maximummummy]

kid is just using you and your daughter
carry on saying you/daughter is busy but you could suggest she visits at weekend

[InMyHumbleOpinion]

ChoosyFloosy you're a nutter!

Just say

NO You Cannot Come In Today, Please Don't Ring The Bell Again. Goodbye. Come Back ON Saturday Afternoon If You Want To Play Though.

Easy.

[EricL]

It's sorted now.

My DD has very kindly fallen out with her and we haven't seen her for two weeks.

I had changed the routine anyway so that my DD did her homework straight after school and i kndly suggested that our visitor did the same.

I have been banned from speaking to the mum by my DW as she was pathetically crying about how no-one plays with her daughter last time she came round our house and i just made it worse apparently.