My children's mother doesn't contact me before taking kids away.

[DJT12]

Hi everyone

So as the title says, i have a battle with my children's mother. They live with their mother and we have a verbal visiting arrangement. All was ok until recently. She took kids to her boyfriends who lives 2 hours away stating that ''she'll be back in a week''. Yesterday was the second time she has done this in the last 3 weeks (yes during lockdown)
Do I have any rights on my arrangements without going legal ? Can I demand she comes back ?
Any help would be great

Do I have any rights on my arrangements without going legal ?

Your children have a right to see you, and you have a responsibility to ensure it happens. Unfortunately, without a court order she isn’t breaking any laws by not letting you see them when you want.

Can I demand she comes back ?

You can. It will be unenforceable though. She can just ignore you.

What is your current contact arrangement?

She may well get caught and fined

It’s not necessary and mixing households

I’d report her

My current arrangements are;
Tuesday 1800 - 2000
Thursday 1800 - 2000
Friday 1800 - Saturday 1700 (sleepover)

Who would I report her to ? As irrational and unfair she is, i wanted to keep things as low key as possible

Ok so in your shoes I would speak to a solicitor and have that arrangement formalised. Along with stipulating what notice each of you will give for changes to the schedule and how any missed time is made up.

My daughter has a phone that I can contact her on but is not responding on it. Have a feeling she has been told not to

Thankyou. She left yesterday stating shed be back next Tuesday. Do I have any power in telling her to come back sooner or should i leave it

No power I’m afraid. There is no court order or prohibited steps order so she hasn’t breached anything. If you are worried about your DCs safety or wellbeing you could ask the police to carry out a welfare check but you’d need to know her boyfriend’s address and I don’t think you are concerned about their wellbeing? I would consider this a “holiday” for them, although one that was sprung on you, the DCs aren’t at any risk so no need for them to come back. But get that solicitor sorted for the future.

Wow, you barely see your kid, four hours during the week and one sleepover. Do you not want to be more of a parent than that?

Well Electrical he can,t see them if mum is always going away.

You need to get things on a mote formal setting. Mediation which if she refuses (which would look bad on her side) then you go via court. The cost of court will probably bring her to the table if she knows she will ultimately have to come to some agreement. Good luck as it can be a tiring process.

Electrical - where does this judgment come from. You know nothing of the situation.

At first I thought she was being unreasonable but seeing how little you see them normally anyway I don't blame her for doing what's most convenient for her.

You need to get a court order I believe to have any arrangement enforceable. Then she would have to ask you before hand.

As it stands I don't think her life should be held up so you can get your 2 hours here and there, but it's a shame you two aren't more amicable and in touch. It won't benefit the kids in the long run. If she asked would you say yes? And arrange to "make up" the time?