Men's Views please

[EvilStepWitch]

My DH has 2 children from his first marriage (they live with their mum). As much as I love them both he has always known I want a child of our own and has always said he is happy for that to happen. We are now TTC but he is not the least bit excited by the idea, I on the other hand am already getting excited but trying to keep it in check. He says he was like this for the conception of his children, that there is nothing to get excited about until I am actually pregnant, until then its business as usual. I feel really disappointed and moments of paranoia have me questioning whether or not he actually wants another child (although last night when I asked he said he does) - was anyone else's DH like this? Good Lord - if I am like this now, what the hell am I going to be like when I get pregnant???

sounds normal - it really isn't 'real' to many men until the baby is actually born. He's said he wants to have a baby, and you ar TTC - what more do you want him to do?!

Thank you zubb, you are the voice of reason!

Good comment zubb! Pretty much articulates what most blokes would think... the main thing that would be exciting them at this stage would just be the prospect of lots of sex!

Men and women are different creatures and react to things in completely different ways.

You are being emotional about this issue - and he is being practical. He sees there is no point getting over-excited until anything is definate and confirmed. It's a kind of 'protective' mechanism from him towards you as well.

Nothing wrong with that. Perfectly normal. Good luck!

Thank you Gentlemen. Good to have the male point of view without falling out with DH!

Same for me, I did not get excited until the babies were born. I wanted to see the proof in the pudding as it were!
When they leave home I will probably be delirious!!

Sorry to butt in to the mens room, but my DH was positively anti me having any babies before they were conceived - every time. He went along with the prgnancies, mildly interested, but is the greatest dad on the planet, and puts his children before everything else. hope this gives you some hope

I was most excited about the trying! Sorry, TMI.

But he could well be trying not to make a big deal of it in case it takes you a while to conceive. It can take a while and the longer it goes on the more pressure grows, until it becomes a chore and a source of stress, and it all becomes a vicious circle. Cool your boots.

Yup - agree with the others - he's probably looking at the marathon rather than sprint just in case it takes you longer than you planned or you need assisted conception. Stick with him - it means he won't burn out quickly if it doesn't happen.

Great nickname BTW.

dh didnt really 'believe it' until i could 'show him the gear' so to speak.

nevermind my huge belly, sciatica etc etc

mine's the same too - not in the slightest bit excited at the prospect, but hand him his newborns and he turns into Mr ProudSuperdad of Proudsville.

well we conceived almost straight away and my DH was absolutely unimpressed. apparently it's just what he expected to happen and he doesn't seem remotely excited about it at all. he's said that he'll maybe get excited when we have a scan and there's "something to see".

basically without some kind of "proof" and some actual jobs to be doing he doesn't really see it as something to spend too much time thinking about.

I know what you mean by getting excited and then keeping it in check and feeling a bit disappointed. The thing is, when you ask, as when I ask, the answers are right. I think we just have to let them be themselves.