Ex Gf moving away with my child

[TB1296]

Really need advice as to where I stand on this and what I can legally do as I’m in bits, I am lost.

My ex and I have a 4 yr old son and split up almost 2 yrs ago and share custody of our son. Recently however she told me she was going to her mums for a few days which is like a 2 hr drive away and said she’d be back by a certain day. This was while my son was supposed to be in nursery, instead she took him out of nursery without telling them and almost a month later she was still at her mums and would not give me a date on when she was coming back. Only that she wasn’t coming back claiming she gets no support down where we live. My entire family live in the same city as us as does half of her family but she claims she gets no help with our son. I work a full time job which happens to be night shift, in a 4 week period (28 days) I work 20 Nights and get 8 nights off (2 nights a week) and I take my son all of those nights. The only down side is that my days off rotate and are not set. So that is 8 nights guaranteed she is free to relax and that isn’t including nights her relatives or mine take our son, yet still she claims she gets no help. Anyway she came back around 5 weeks after she originally left and said she wasn’t coming back and gave me a list of Terms and conditions she wanted me to meet in order for her to stay, foolishly I did everything I could to please her because I couldn’t stand the thought of my child moving away and barely seeing him because she has it in her mind that I have to do all the picking up, travelling and dropping off, jump when she says pretty much. So I got everything sorted with having MORE people watch our son to give her MORE free time and one day when I dropped my son off to her she just dropped it on me...dropped the bombshell and announced she was moving away to her mums and was taking my son with her. Turns out all these days where she needed me to watch my son so she could pack and do “skip runs” was so she could get stuff sent away to her mums. So understandably I felt a variety of emotions, I was angry, I was upset, I felt cheated, I felt like she was denying me all these little things in my sons life like his first day of school, his activities he likes, birthdays etc. So she started swearing and shouting at me at her front door and after a few mins her mother who I didn’t even know was there joins in and starts on me, at this point it’s a 2 on 1 verbal dress down about how I’ve not helped her, how she has no support and how I’m a terrible father before slamming the door in my face and blocking every form of communication. I have no idea when I will next see my son or what my visitation to him is going to be like, I’m absolutely distraught because I spend so much time with my son, I have done her so many favours and helped her through so much yet I still feel that she thinks the world owes her something for being a single mother. I also should add that she has threatened to reveal things to the court (should I pursue legal action) about my current girlfriend having a few mental health issues and how apparently she doesn’t want her son around my girlfriend even though she’s no danger to anyone. Someone please offer some advice on what I can do, we both live in Scotland if that’s any help as I don’t know if laws are different.

You are going to need to get a family law solicitor.
Legally, your son had a right to contact with you.
Your girlfriend's mental health shouldn't pose an issue unless there is a realistic risk to your son.
Meanwhile, grit your teeth and try to be polite. Keep records of everything, all texts etc.

I am seeking a solicitor for this ordeal, however my biggest fear is I am told there is nothing I can do OR I go through the whole ordeal with the courts and I end up losing and my ex and her family never letting me live it down. I honestly have tried everything and still she just isn’t satisfied and wants to leave regardless, she just threatens me with so many things to use against me In Court. I have saved and screenshot numerous messages etc just to cover my ass but I have no idea if it will be relevant or even work in my favour as I know mostly courts tend to lean in favour of the child’s mother unless there is a legitimate reason like drug or alcohol abuse

You don’t spend ‘so much time’ with your son, you spend eight days/nights a month with him, and presumably as you work a rotating roster those days are sometimes when he has nursery or in the future will have school.
I am sick of non resident fathers thinking that the paltry time they spend with their children makes them amazing fathers. Your job is not compatible with family life.

I am sure you will be able to negotiate some sort of contact arrangement where you share the travel time with your ex. The problem you have is being a shift worker you aren’t going to be able to offer consistent days and as your child starts school you will need to be available on weekends. I suggest you find a job with more regular hours.

Excuse me mermaidoutofwater 😂. My apologies for forgetting to mention I take my son to nursery 3 days of the week, collect him from nursery, keep
Him for his dinner those 3 nights WHILE my ex doesn’t work either btw. I’ve had to take countless nights off work or find relatives to watch my son as his mother has turned her phone off and left her house and not told me where she’s went. I’m not sitting spending “paltry” time with my son and claiming I’m an “amazing father” by doing so either. I’ve been questioned by others as to why I have my son so much while my ex is out gallivanting and living the single life.

And I have two weeks a month set days where it is agreed I take my son those nights. We also agreed I take him one night each other week and it’s no issue at all for me with my work as my days off work around his nursery days.

And I’m not complaining about having him too much or not having him enough. My reason for this thread is because I take my son what I think to be a decent amount aswell as relatives take him aswell, the fact is she barely has my son yet has the audacity to take him away saying she has no help. That is the point of this thread and why I’m asking for help as to where I legally stand.

@Mermaidoutofwater

Pretty unfair considering most NRP agreements actually stipulate those sorts of hours and most RP are difficult with offering more than the minimum agreed to by the order. If you are only being allowed to see your child x days, then seeing them x days isn't a negative.

I assume you pay maintanance on a regular basis, she will need a very good reason to move too-far out of the area. @Mermadeoutofwater, your comments suggest you are bitter about your own situation, it is hardly benificial to TB1269.
OP if your ex is frustrating the easy access to your DS, it will not be looked upon kindly by SS. Make sure you keep records of expendature and access, and notes when access has been stopped. In order for it to work sensibly in the childs interest, there needs to be give and take from both sides, you may work an extra shift, Ex may need DS for other appointmants. Ensure you have plenty of clean clothes , if DS needs to change. Best Wishes

@Mermaidoutofwater Sure! let's all just change our entire careers after years of working our way up the ladder. Let's all go an work in Tesco for minimum wage. Not everyone can do a standard 9-5 office job with pension and paid holidays. Have some sympathy for a guy who is in bits and yet still has to go out every night to do a job I bet you couldn't hack for one night.
@TB1296 Get in touch with Families Need Fathers who will pass you on to a solicitor or Mackenzie friend who can help you draft an application to the court to formalise contact with your son. Good luck

If your ex has already started the process of moving your son out of the area without your consent I suggest you need urgent legal advice and consider applying for a prohibited steps order to temporarily stop the move while you seek to resolve the issue. Your ex needs to demonstrate why the move is in your sons best interests (as opposed to her own interests) and she will also need to evidence how she will facilitate contact to maintain his relationship with you. He has a right to a relationship with both his parents. Families need fathers is great resource. Good luck

My ex gf did this with my daughter a few years ago to be with her new partner.. We went to court and it was a waste of time really. She just lied her way through it and nothing is checked. I don't mean malicious lies, just loads of silly things. Does he have friends at at school? no she's never bonded with anyone. Does she have friends at the new house? oh yes she's always out playing etc. Even the judge gave a disappointing "hmmm" as she went for maximum points on every question. she tried to say her reason for moving was that her work wanted her to move to another branch when really it was to move in with her new partner. She did say she was moving in with him but that was just a coincidence. The court asked to write to her work to confirm this and she just refused so they took her word for it anyway. After 1.5 days of this (lots of time sat around in between court time) the main issue that everyone kept coming back to was that I used to pick my daughter up from school 2/3 days a week. My ex works office hours so unless I picked my daughter up from school, she was in after school clubs. With the move, I wouldn't be able to do this so it kept coming back to this one thing and my ex just kept saying oh she will be fine in after school clubs. Right at the end of the court case and after 1.5 days of mainly talking about me not being able to pick her up from school she felt the pressure and buckled and just changed her story to her nee partner would be picking her up from school every day and there would be no after school clubs. She got told off by the judge, told off by the barrister and then we went out to wait for the the final outcome. When we went back in we were told she could move and it was read out that there would be no after school clubs. So she moved and puther in after school clubs every day from day 1. i went to see the solicitor who just said oh she's got away with that when, there's no way the court would make them move back just for that

Many women have to leave a good job and accept work in tescos on minimum wage because they have children! Why should men be exempt! Also taking your son to nursery and giving him tea 3 days a week and 2 days overnight is not much childcare!

Has she already moved?

Are you named on his birth cert? Was shared custody a legal arrangement?

Sorry to say this and l will probably get some grief for it, but if only you had that piece of paper called a marriage certificate. That thing a lot of people think is just a waste of time as its just a piece of paper. The thing is that bit of paper really does give you more rights as a father. Unfortunately without it it's so much more difficult. I do feel for you though, some women can be really nasty when it comes to the kids n wanting to hurt their ex. I hope you get sorted though, good luck

How are things op?

That thing a lot of people think is just a waste of time as its just a piece of paper. The thing is that bit of paper really does give you more rights as a father

Really?

Such as?

Thanks everyone for you’re feedback and help I really appreciate it. Unfortunately things are still much the same and my ex still lives elsewhere with my child and because of my work I still hardly have access to him which understandably causes a great deal of stress for my ex and I. I had a formal meeting with managers at my work requesting every second weekend off so I could see my child, obviously I was naive to think that they’d help knowing my situation and the fact a child is involved but...they didn’t of course. I got told to sit back and await a response after 2 weeks in which I got a letter from them stating they couldn’t give me every 2nd weekend as they feel the company is more important than my personal issues...even though I work in retail with over 150 people in the building 🤔. So I’m trying to get a new job but with this Covid-19 kicking about, not having much luck. Life sucks right now I must admit 😂 I hope everyone is staying safe and that their families and friends are safe too