Wife and Kids want a dog, but I really don't...

[Simmo88]

My wife wants a dog but I really, REALLY don’t like them. I think they’re annoying, they smell, the thought of having to clean up their crap makes me feel sick and I can’t hack the thought of it destroying my house. The problem is though that I’ve never had a dog and she has. She grew up constantly having dogs in the house and says they aren’t as bad as I think. She’s assured me she’ll do all the leg work but I can’t see that happening. Sooner or later she’ll rope me into having to help out, which I really don’t want to do.

Both my son and daughter really want the dog as well so I feel like I’m being backed against a wall here. I feel like my wife is trying to manipulate me into agreeing by saying I’m depriving them of a life experience that the kids would love but I just think the novelty of it all will wear off after about a month. The kids are only 8 and 4 so there’s only so much they can do to help out. It’s not as if they can take the dog for a walk on their own if my wife is busy. And they have so much in their lives as it is. I can say with 100% certainty that they aren’t being deprived of other things.

Part of my problem as well is that I’m a bit of a pushover. One way or another she just argues her way into getting what she wants and I just back down because I’m not confident enough to stand my ground with her or she just finds loopholes in all my opinions. But I really don’t want a dog, we already have a cat and a tortoise but apparently that’s not enough for my wife. I’m worried about how the cat is going to react as well and whether or not they’ll be at loggerheads all the time. The cat is easy to look after. She can bathe herself, she can take herself for a walk if she wants and she doesn’t stink the house out. Whereas a dog would be like having another baby in the house. It would need so much attention and looking after. I couldn’t think of anything worse than it barking or crying through the night and keeping me awake. I’m just getting over the years of sleepless nights with the kids as it is.

Costs worry me as well. She says insuring the dog would be about £5 a month but I know for a fact that this skyrockets as they get older. Then there’s food, medications, toiletries, toys etc and it all adds up and would no doubt just be a drain on our finances over time. But all I get is that three people in our house want it and that one doesn’t and that I’m just being selfish. Am I? She says I’ve not come up with a good enough reason to not get one but is just not liking something really not a good enough reason?

Help please. What can I do to get them off my back about it? I really think two pets is more than enough in our house.

I think the one that doesn’t want one gets the deciding vote in this.
You will inevitably have to do some of the work, like you say, walking, feeding, picking up poop.
What’s more I think she’s being unreasonable trying to put pressure on you saying your kids are missing out.

You’re not being at all U to say no. Both adults in the household should be on board: the one who doesn’t want the demanding, expensive pet gets the veto.

Your wife is U if she is talking to the DC about it.

In our household I would like a cat, DC would love this too, but DH is really not keen so we won’t be getting one.

Is one of you at home every day? Is this likely to be the case for the next 15 years?

Sounds like you need to work on your assertiveness.

Not all dogs do smell or destroy the house. Will she walk it, feed it, pick up all the poo and groom it? Does she do everything for your other pets?
Ultimately if you really don’t want a dog then they can’t have one. Would she volunteer? Eg walk for the Cinnamon Trust? (That wouldn’t affect you as the dog wouldn’t be around you.)

Dogs are a huge commitment, that's for sure. The initial cost, the training, vaccinations, insurance (good luck finding a decent policy for £5/month), bedding, toys, food etc. Then there's kennelling when you're away. Possible medications or vets bills if they get ill. They like a lot more attention than a cat too, and require walking every day. I really think every member of a household should be in agreement before going ahead with homing a dog, and it shouldn't be forced on you if you really don't want to have one. Having said that, I think your view of what dog ownership is like is skewed, because you've never had one. None of my dogs has ever cried through the night, or been a barker. Nor have they destroyed my house. I'm sure some puppies do that, but not all. I don't know what the answer is for you - they will feel denied if you refuse, but you will feel resentful if they go ahead. There's no way forward unless one party concedes.

YANBU. At ALL. Dogs are wonderful, (to me), but they are a massive amount of work and possible expense. I had dogs forever, but after mine passed away last year, my husband and I have decided that we won't be getting another dog. You have to deal with boarding them, walking them, they can't be left alone for long stretches, ad nasuem. Two of my dogs had very serious medical conditions and the vet expenses were astronomical.

If your wife tries to convince you that the children will take care of it, that is TOTAL bollocks. Don't believe that for a second.

Stay firm and say no.

Just say no, no way. Keep saying it. I hate dogs (they might be cute but I couldn't look after it) and I've always been very clear to dh that we will never get one. The kids want one too but I am very firm: its not happening.

YANBU to say no, and if you feel really strongly, you should hold out. Dogs are sensitive creatures and quickly pick up on negative human reactions; it can have a big impact on behaviour, which in turn feeds into the tension. It's just not fair on the dog to have to live in a household where one family member resents it so much.

I say that as someone who has dogs. They absolutely do NOT all destroy your house, or stink, or keep you awake at night, but they do need to be wanted.

You’re not being selfish. If anything it’s selfish to insist on bringing a dog into a household where one of the adults doesn’t want it. Not fair on you, not fair on the dog, not fair on the kids either if they get a dog that ends up being rehomed again.

I'd love and dog or a cat but my husband has always said no. Said he'd move out if we did. Have to admit I've been tempted 😂
Seriously though I understand his reservations and respect his decision so won't be getting any pet!

I grew up with two dogs and when they were PTS I waited two years before getting another one. I love having dogs but they are a huge commitment and take up time , money , emotions , and space .
I agree with PP you should not be bullied into getting a dog if you do not want one , if you get a pup it will be a long commitment most dogs live 12 to 16 years ( as a very rough average ) your eldest DC would be around 25 by the time your dog is in latter years of life , nobody can plan what is going to be going on in your life that far in to the future and its a long time to resent having a living creature that has to be cared for all its life

As a PP said can your DW help out at the Cinnamon Trust , or join Borrow My Dog or even have a chat with your neighbours that have a dog to see if they would like help with walking their dog. Get your DW to commit to doing this for at least a year to see if it is practical.

In the mean time get your DCs one of them ,

www.google.com/search?q=tamagotchi&oq=tamogatchie&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0l5.8472j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

God no. Just say no, if one person doesn't want a dog then that's the end of that.

Dogs are binding, they are hard work. And yes, they smell, bark, cry etc.

Your wife needs to back off, going on at you until you cave is plain nasty. The kids are not deprived ffs.

The kids already have a cat and a tortoise which I’m sure they enjoy (or tired of already) so don’t let her use the kids as an excuse because really it’s what she wants.

YANBU. DH would love a dog but I won't even consider the commitment of it. I'm already needed by two kids and two cats, that's enough.

No.don't have a dog/puppy if you don't like dogs much.Your children have probably been swayed a little,because of your wife's idea.Your children are not going to fully understand all the implications of keeping a dog,at their age, and you don't want one,so that's all you need to consider right now.

I tell my DC they can have a dog...when they've left home say no