Is she cheating

[TheDubliner]

Found messages on my other half’s phone from a guy she works with. He’s obviously trying it on with her and she isn’t doing anything to put him off, including letting him know when she’s going to be away with work (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

Is this cheating or just flirting (either way I know it’s not good)?

And do I confront her before anything has happened between them (as it might not happen) or wait until She’s done the deed??

Married with 3 kids so anything I do is going to have consequences.

How did you find the messages? Have you taken photos of them?

Take pictures of the messages then ask her.

Flirting... I would ask her about it before you bring the Spanish Inquisition though. It may be nothing so no need to start considering leaving her when you can see your wife is not responding to those texts in the same tone.

Yeah, have taken pics of the messages but don’t want to confront her yet as if there’s nothing in it then she won’t trust me and relationship is effectively over

Well? As you say it is nothing there, so you may prefer to have a casual/notblaming conversation about this rather than becoming all distrustful of your wife and ruin your relationship in the process for something that may not even be happening.

Nothing “physical” there yet ie she hasn’t done anything, but making arrangements to meet when she’s away for work and signing off messages with kisses is suggestive enough - isn’t it??

Yes I would say it is. I'd say something like don't want anything going on while you're working away. Which is fair enough - acknowledges she is still an attractive woman. See how she responds x

She may not have done anything physical yet but the intention is there. She is clearly egging this guy on and enjoying the attention.
Depends where your line is. If I was in your position, that line has already been crossed.
If you speak to her and she twists it back to not trusting you then she is deflecting blame away from herself.

Talk to lawyer, start hiding money, have plan to exit her. Then confront.
She is step 1 of exiting you. There is no going back for her, she has already checked out, just constructing her exit.