Happy marriage- does this exist

[Squashedout]

My wife & I are on weekly arguments. Can last about a day or 2. I have tried to listen to the issues she has with me but the problem is I don’t know how to solve them. I wish it was things like leaving the toilet seat up. I can easily get that fixed.

Are there couples out there who don’t argue and things run smoothly and effortlessly. Or if you do argue you don’t think it’s such a big deal.

The main arguments we have is about money and her having to work. She totally resents me for it in that it’s all my fault that she has to work and can’t do more stuff with kids.

I’m sorry but not everyone is designed to be on 100k salaries. I’m not accusing her of being materialistic or anything but Surely there has got to be more unfortunate circumstances life can throw at you than that.

She’s really got it in for me because she has to work (part time I might add). If anything goes wrong she always relates to it to the working mum issue so it always becomes my fault.

I try to solve problems but some things are difficult or long term.

DH and I are 8 years in, we don't argue (yes we bicker about daft things like who is putting the bins out when it rains) but I can count on one hand the number of real arguments we've had in 8 years.

We are far from perfect, but we both want the same things and have the same goals. Both work full time, bring in similar salaries. People change, their wants and wishes change, this isn't a bad thing but if you can't compromise and meet in the middle you need to work out what to do next.

My advice as a SAHM is that it ain't all it's cracked up to be - especially if you get cranky spending too much time with the kids! It sounds to me like she's blaming her general unhappiness with life on having to work, and thinks it would all be hunky dory if she didn't.

Is she factoring in the invisibility in society, the lack of identity and standing in society, not having the satisfaction of having contributed to the family economy, how isolating it can be, how it can be hard not to feel like everything at home, kids, cleaning, cooking and all the rest is YOUR job? How about how judgmental people can be if you are a SAHP? If she got her wish, and STILL wasn't happy, what's she going to blame it on then? And of course, then she doesn't have an independent income, a job, and she's not had one for however long. . .

This sounds like an unhealthy relationship.
Would you try marriage counselling?
I would be insisting on this or I would walk as this is no way to live.

I feel your pain. I bumped onto this thread by coincidence, but it resonates with my own experience.

We'd be arguing a lot even before we got married. The arguments only got worse afterwards. After we had a child she resented having to go back to work (2 years after our child was born).

I'm afraid I won't be of much help, but I can say that we ended up getting divorced. I'm in another relationship now and I have another child in the new relationship. I'm getting absolutely none of the s*it I was getting in the previous relationship (and my partner is back to work). We're not married, although it's definitely a happy relationship (few years in now).

Speaking only for myself, that divorce was one of the best thing that happened (mutual decision at the time). Although my ex doesn't think that today. As for our child, she shares the time between us. Of course that's not ideal, but I still think it's better than growing up in a pretty much toxic atmosphere at home.

I don’t think your wife is happy having kids.
But you’re getting the blame and resentment from being away working without the kids.( on holiday)
Sounds like maybe she needs some help/support at home, holiday kids clubs, other parents to mix with a bit more and vent at them, share the care.
Tricky position to be in, children aren’t easy and should come with a health warning.