Kick in the teeth

[focusedfather]

This is long message but I will condense it down.

Was with my ex for nearly 9 years, 1 child, and we went on a ‘break’ for 2 months last summer. We got back together in September and things better than ever. At start of April I caught her messaging someone else and she denied it. At the end of the month we split.
We remained on ok terms for two weeks after but she lied to me and that was the final straw.

She started seeing someone within 3/4 weeks of the split and it got pretty serious quickly. He was always there when I went to pick my child up.

She told me today that she is pregnant with this mans child. It wasn’t conceived at start of June, 6 weeks after split and she has only known him for weeks.

My thing is, I was/am over her but hearing this news is a bit of a kick in the teeth. I never thought we would get back together as looking back she is not a very nice person but, it still hurts.

It feels like I am going through the breakup again, not as bad, and I am angry as I am getting upset by this.

Just wanted to vent.

Its good to vent sometimes. Onwards and upwards eh?

I got divorced nearly 30 years ago and even though it was my choice, when the decree absolute arrived the feelings I had were similar to my reaction when someone dies. In a way you are grieving for the relationship you once had. If you imagine a pendulum, it swings from right to left with normal being in the middle. I think when you split up from someone you go through the same feelings, anger, relief, frustration, acceptance more than once. No one can tell you how to feel or how long it will take for the pendulum to stop swinging and settle at acceptance, but sometimes understanding those feelings makes it easier. Your ex has moved on and you feel rejected, that's okay, but its how you deal with it now that matters, both for yourself and your child's sake. Unfortunately, because you had a child together your ex will be in your life for many, many years to come and it would be better for you all if you can accept she has moved on. I hope I don't sound patronising, that the last thing I want to do, but I've been there and 28 years on my ex still causes problems for me and my daughter.

Thank you for the replies.

I had moved on and accepted that she was seeing somebody else and he moved into the house 5 weeks after I left. Also, found out she conceived after only knowing him for two weeks. When I think about it I am sure she did this on purpose so that she didn’t need to work.

When I think of it logically I am well shot of her but it still plays on the mind. We have split for 4 months but she is 3 months pregnant.

My ex partner got his girlfriend pregnant a month after we had split up. You kind of get your head around not being together and then all of a sudden something else comes back to punch you in the gut. These things will get better in time and it sounds like you're better off without her anyway. Good luck.

Not sure if you've ever heard this, but it's her loss, brother! I always heard that if someone loves you let her go, and she will return. Otherwise, she never loved you in the first place.

There are far too many people on this planet for you to keep yourself down. Learn a new school like dancing where you meet other wormen. You'll find yourself not requiring the person who left you in no time.

Stay strong, dad!

See this is why a break doesn't work.

She probably was seeing him during/before the break unless she’s extremely stupid to become pregnant by someone she’s known a few weeks (wouldn’t you have at least practised safe sex with a brand new partner).