Dear all,
I am very much struggling at the moment and need some advice. Please no bitter people commenting constructive only.
I have been unhappy for some time and I am confident my wife is unhappy even though she wont admit it. We have been together for over 13 years have two children with one on the way which in hind sight wasn't a great idea not that I don't want another child I love my kids very much.
It has been up an down for quite some time we tried counciling a few months ago and during the sessions we did voice how we felt what makes us upset etc etc but it stopped making progress and after we ended it we just went back to normal life.
We both struggle to tell each other what is up, what is wrong and why we are unhappy. She has low self esteem, trust issues and also abandonment issues which makes this really tough. I also have very low self esteem, do not think highly about myself at all and feel like a useless person which can quite often be reaffirmed by her with comments but I don't think she realises this.
There are many things that she could have changed (I am not saying there aren't things I could have done better) some of which I have voiced to her others I just can't.
I want to make it clear that I do care about her hence why I am struggling with this however I have been quite low recently and last night she confronted me about appearing moody and distant which is when I blurted out that I don't think we are working any more.
Quite obviously she got really upset and we had a bit of a discussion, I didn't want to blame her for anything but she kept pushing me to know why I am unhappy and I had to answer. We left it with her giving me her ring and I need some time to think and pretty much I was an emtional wreck all night and still am today.
I feel like I am chucking away everything but I fear that if I appologise and continue to work at it we are just both going to remain unhappy for the rest of it and I beleive we can both be happier moving on in the long run, of course I know the short term will be rough but thats better than long term of it never being right isn't it? Ontop of that we have grown apart and this whole event last night will have just pushed us further apart. She did say that I am her true love and what can she do to win me back and it makes me feel horrible as a person but I don't know if thats geniune or her being scared of leaving me?
I have said and I maintain this and will stand by it that if we split I won't leave her high and dry I will be there finacially and emotionally should she need/want it and I will be there to support her through the preganancy and my child.
Has anyone else been through similar and do you have any advice for me?