Hello,
I am in my 40s, and I am married to a foreigner who is a few years old than me.
We have a child who is 7.
The problem is, she has really strong mood swings, particularly during her monthly cycle. Last month was particularly bad and, in the end, she apologised to me the next day.
Today, I suffered another of her outbursts, laid with sarcasm, and when I asked what I asked what I had done wrong, she didn't answer.
She spends all of her free time in the bedroom, often to the neglect of our child whom she rarely plays with. I am the one that does the cooking, the cleaning, and the ironing of clothes etc. She is really unpleasant.
If it were not for our kid, and if it were not for the fact she would probably get half of all my stuff (she has only been working for 3 years, the rest of the time she didn't even attempt to work) this would be the easiest decision I have ever made.
I have worked hard all my life, and I try to do right be her, and by everyone. I admit I am not perfect, and I know I am an annoyance mainly because I suffer from anxiety and OCD and I find myself doing things that even I would find irritating. These outbursts only add to my condition because I often find myself consumed with thoughts of what I did wrong, what I can do to make it better, how to avoid it happening again - simply the side effects of my condition.
This relationship is not healthy for me, and I feel I have to make the decision. My overwhelming concern is that our child is scared of her, and my child's day and life revolves around me. Whilst I am in work, my child is just waiting for me to come home. She doesn't let our child watch TV, nor play video games, unless it is a weekend.
I know I am not perfect, and in previous arguments I have said some unkind things that she brings up in new arguments - despite the fact these were from 8/9 years ago. Now, I sometimes react but often I couldn't care less. Sometimes I try to console her. When I asked her today what was wrong, she said she didn't know. And that really hurts me because maybe she has issues (like I do) but can't address them.
But, she has said so many things to me too - and I make mistakes from trying to please her.
If I tried to divorce her, maybe she would take our child back to her country. Anyway, she would be entitled to half of everything I have, and I would struggle to make ends meet in the post apocalyptic world.
And, the heartbreaking thing is, tomorrow she may be fine, a little bit embarrassed, and the day after we will be back to normal. But, if I were just thinking of me I would be out of this relationship like a shot. The problem is, our child would struggle to cope without me because our child is completely attached to me. I put the child to bed every night, I bathe the child, I play with the child, I cook the child's food.
But, her attitude is affecting my mental health, and it is making my life miserable. She is intimidating me, and she is scaring me. Even my child said to me that they are scared by her.
I feel that I am in an abusive relationship, and if I leave I will lose my child, and she will get half of the things I have worked hard to get. For sure, if I was physically abusive to her, she would also get my child and more than half of the stuff I have worked for.
So, how is it right that I can suffer in an abusive relationship and still lose out?