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arguing with other half

12 replies

captaintired · 24/02/2018 20:58

How often do you argue with your other half (if you do)? Is it normal to?

Having a 1 and 4 year old can get pretty intense at times and I would say we have about 2 arguments per week. Can be due to things like early wake ups, juggling work/kids, toilet accidents, money, children not eating properly, forgetting things when leaving the house. Oh and last but not least, tantrums!

It is usually blame that causes the arguments here. So in our case, I might screw up on one of the above which sometimes is my fault and then my wife will blame me. Eg If I forget to buy nappies or wipes or their favourite snack. Sometimes it is just a 15m squabble. Other times it can go on for hours. To be honest I don't like arguments, which is why I don't start them.

Is this a common thing that happens with couples who have kids? Or are there couples out there who manage to keep their cool with all this and not over react at situations?

OP posts:
JD360 · 24/02/2018 21:03

It's completely normal as last by as you love and care for each other and show this then it's fine I think everyone argues Smile our latest one was the kids leaving the Xbox on with the cabinet door closed (it over heats) where out at the trampoline park. If it then in to the car so should have checked but he checked the house and locked up

MycatsaPirate · 24/02/2018 21:03

I'm female so coming from my point of view, yes, it's normal.

You are both tired. Permanently tired and on top of that deal with tantrums from kids, work, every day stresses and if you have forgotten something like nappies then I'd probably be a tad pissed off too.

As a mum my main priority and thoughts have always been my kids, the house, and mainly thinking ahead to what we need, what needs to be done etc.

My dp thinks about things as we need them.

We just think differently. So I do the forward planning and then everything is on the calendar on the wall and in this house, 'if it's not on the calendar it's not happening'. We also have a chalkboard on the kitchen wall so if we use the last of something or something is running low, it gets chalked on the board for the next shopping trip.

Sit down with your wife and talk about things. Apologise for when you've fucked up, explain you don't like arguing and see if you can work out a way to run the house/kids/work on a more organised basis so things go more smoothly.

I don't think you can wing your way through life with kids. Leaving the likes of buying nappies/wipes to the last minute is a disaster.

captaintired · 25/02/2018 06:59

Thanks. Is it normal if the thought of divorce ends up being brought into the argument? Sometimes feel as though we are on the brink.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 25/02/2018 07:01

If you screw up then you need to take on board what you are doing incorrectly and take action on it

JD360 · 25/02/2018 07:41

Yes but not exactly but with me saying that if you don't want to be here you don't have to.

exitbreak · 25/02/2018 07:48

It's not normal in our house. We are going through an inordinate amount of stress at the moment for various reasons and have a 2 and 5 year old.

Both of us fuck up something at one point or another but we don't argue, we give each other some slack.

He annoys me something chronic at some of the things he does/ doesn't do but he does so much good stuff that, as the years have gone on, I try to overlook his trying habits and have realised we pretty much compliment each other in the things we'll do and don't do in the house.

The throwing divorce around during arguments is a bit worrying. Do you get much time together to just be a couple and enjoy each other's company?

n0ne · 25/02/2018 09:02

It's not our normal. Me and DH might snipe at each other occasionally due to tiredness and stress of 5yo and 6mo DCs, but we never argue for hours. If we do have a serious disagreement, one or t'other of us will back down after 5-10 mins, and then we drop it. We hate being angry with each other so smooth things over as quickly as possible.

TossDaily · 25/02/2018 09:07

It's toxic. It was what happened in my first marriage and it was exhausting. I can't believe how much happier life is without it.

Try to apologise if you've messed up, make amends and do better next time.

She need to do the same. If she won't, think about whether you want to spend your life like this. It's a horrible way to live.

MsHomeSlice · 25/02/2018 09:09

or maybe you could remember to do the things your wife asks?

It's shit dealing with small children and even shitter if you have to add in second guessing another grown up who is supposed to be ON YOUR SIDE. If you are not getting the support then dealing with just the two small children becomes an increasingly attractive option.

Only you know if you a really pulling your weight and she is nitpicking or whether she is doing her best, feeling unappreciated and you are making it worse.

Arapaima · 25/02/2018 09:26

DH and I very rarely argue now our DC are a bit older - almost never in fact - but we did bicker and argue a lot more when they were little. So I think that’s normal.

However, I would say that an argument that lasts for hours about something quite trivial, or throwing around the idea of divorce, sounds quite worrying.

Have you considered marriage guidance counselling or a marriage course?

ThePants999 · 25/02/2018 11:44

We also probably argue a couple of times a week, about the same sorts of things, although it tends to be over fairly quickly.

Not once has divorce been mentioned, though. I don't think that's normal, sorry!

Toadinthehole · 11/03/2018 02:29

It got a lot less normal after I walked out and only agreed to return after DW gave me an enormous apology, and agreed to stop treating me as her emotional punchbag.

Disagreements are fine and to be expected. Rows shouldn't be.

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