My 3 year old me prefers me to mum

[D4ddy]

Hello,
Im suffering from positive discrimination. Sounds great but it's not.
My wife and I have a 3 and half-year-old son who is lovely in every way.
However, since he was about 1.5 years old it was clear he was quite a daddy's boy, to say the least.

This was initially shrugged off by my wife but it's clear it's getting her down, when our boy constantly declines her for bedtime books and bath time, in preference for me. This morning he really hurt her feelings when she came in to wish him good morning, only for him to immediately enquire where I was, grimacing at her.
It's fair to say Im a fairly engaged father and this was my plan when I had my son as I didn't want work to be my life priority. I am a bit softer with my son (not terribly) compared to the more disciplinarian style of my wife and we both have acknowledged we probably need more centre ground.
I'm now thinking I'd be better off putting longer shifts in at work in order to try and break this cycle and create some distance or become a more hard-line parent, however, I'm then becoming the father I never wanted to be. I know its really affecting my wife and hate to see her look of deflation when my son asks for me. I know my son loves her but he needs prompting to show it sometimes and doesn't realise the impact of some of his reactions.
Any advice or similar experience would be gratefully received.

You don't need to withdraw, you need to encourage a positive relationship between them. So phrases like "Wow, let's go tell mummy!", "Let's see if mummy wants to play with us too" or "I'm not very good at X, but mummy is! Let's ask her to show us". Involve her, show your son you admire and value her.

My DD is a total Daddy's girl. I'm a SAHM so it's usually fine but if he's been off for a few days in a row she needs reminding that I exist and can play too.

Remember - he's 3, and he isn't going to emote or understand he's upsetting his Mum. You need to facilitate it, and she needs to make sure she's available so when you've got him all hyped up about going to play with mummy too, she can play. You could always try to gradually withdraw when the three of you are playing, leaving them alone.

It’s a totally normal and healthy stage of development. Reassure your wife neither of you nor your son are doing anything wrong at all. There is a great book by John Cleese (yep basil fawlty!) and Robin Skinner called “families and how to survive them” which explains this and other stages well and in everyday language. Well worth a read.

It’s normal for a lot of dc.

My dd has always favoured dh, I am a stay at home Mum and often in the day dd will cry for dh. DH does the whole shall we show mummy, play with mummy and the boys etc etc but dd still prefers dh.

It use to upset me but it doesn’t anymore as dd is only 17 months so she isn’t doing it on purpose and she is just a little child that loves her daddy.

Whatever you do don’t stay later at work etc and see your child less

at 3 he is the centre of his universe he has no understanding of other peoples feelings. You need to show him how great Mummy is.