Child maintenance: how much and what should be covered

[Eastfinchleydad]

Hi,

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, and I’m sure it’s been covered elsewhere, but I’d appreciate any help / honest opinions you can give me.

Second apology: the amounts of money I’m going to mention are considerably above the national average, and I can see why people may just say ‘get over yourself’.

My wife and I separated 7 months ago after 5 years of marriage. We have one daughter who is now 3 1/2. We earn similar amounts: I earn £74k; she earns £69k but with lower pension contributions. I left the family flat, and am renting a flat three stops away on the tube. I pay £1350 per month in rent which is very slightly more than the mortgage payments on the family flat. My daughter spends approximately 2 nights per week at ‘mine’ (I’d prefer more, but that’s a different topic). She is in nursery 3 days per week, with my wife taking her for one day and her mother for another. With our 30 hours, and before vouchers, we pay about £400 per month.

I don’t want to be unfair to my ex wife, and I certainly don’t wish to not contribute to my daughter’s needs. I also want to make sure the agreement is fair to me. I have, of course, been paying maintenance over the past 7 months, but the level is being questioned, and I just wanted to gauge opinion on a) what approximately would be a fair amount; b) what should be included (childcare, activities etc.); and c) how to account for childcare vouchers.

I’ll let you know what my current contribution is later, if you’re interested!

Thanks.

Why are you not going through the CMS?

Zampa I don't think op is planning to continue that arrangement. I also agree he's trying to control his ex wife's spending.

Why is the OP considering childcare vouchers as part of maintenance? That's for him to spend when the child is with him.

I don’t think he’s trying to control her spending or do her out of money, he’s simply trying to work out what’s fair.

It seems that the general consensus is that I’m probably contributing above the minimum, but not enough to be fair. That helps. I will work out what would be a fairer amount before talking with my ex.

Thanks for the replies (although I think a few were trying to paint me as being exploitative and controlling, which I feel is unfair; I’m not trying to get away with contributing less than I should)

If you would like to have your DD more have you applied to the courts?

50/50 shared care, no payments either way, split the cost of nursery and be adults about buying her clothes & shoes etc. Pay for actives on your days.

Graphista, if anything the opposite is true: my post came about after an argument about my spending, not the other war around. How my ex spends the money is her business and I certainly trust her to look after our daughter. I’m just trying to work out if I’m not contributing enough, which seems to be the case.

CMS is for skinflints. East has a good wage. The formula DH and I used was (take home pay - minus sensible rent) divided by three (we had similar incomes). So £800 a month is reasonable. You really do need to sort out the marital home.

Annie, I would love that, but my ex believes strongly in our daughter having a primary home (which a lot of research supports) and would fight it all the way. I want to avoid court: neither of us can afford it (despite our good salaries) and I fear it would increase acrimony. I also have had significant mental health issues over the past 2 years, including a breakdown very recently. I’m not confident I would be granted equal access.

Being a teacher you will be able to cover emergency childcare for the holidays. Kids getting a badly timed dose of chicken pox etc can ruin a woman's career advancement.

Make sure you keep the communications as unemotional as possible. Getting a fair deal for everyone is hard.

Agghhh. I meant ‘seems not to be the case’. Sorry!

I cover most emergency care as I work much closer to nursery than my ex.

No, I was right the first time. God, I’m losing myself in my own thread. I don’t think I’m contributing enough.

Re: family home. If we sell, I think my ex will move out of London, which will force me to do the same or affect my relationship with my daughter

That’s a shame East.

I think that unlike many NRPs you want to do the right thing by them both, which is lovely, but you need to look after yourself as well.

If you go through the CMS you know are making your legally correct contributions and that it’s legal & official. That’s a good starting point.

That ‘officially’ covers everything. It’s a complete farce as some NRP pay as little as £5pw, which covers nothing! But you earn good money, so yours will be more realistic.

Once you’ve sorted that out, it’s really a case of contributing a) what you can & b) giving you and your ex wife a similar standard of living - which will mean your DD is getting a similar standard of living in both homes and being happier when both parents are happy.

You need to consult a Solicitor about the house. You might be best working out a fair deal to keep your equity in it & percentage increase over the years. If it keeps a safe roof over them, your DD close to you and an appreciating asset. Your share of the capital gain needs to reflect that you are having to rent as you don’t have your share of that capital to buy a property.

Thanks Annie. That’s my plan.

In the absence of any childcare costs, what you are paying now seems alright.

However if you are only paying for half for childcare, that seems a little unfair on your ex? You are only really paying for 1.5 days whilst being able to work FT. Your ex is paying for 2.5 days - 1.5 days nursery + 1 day lost salary. You're both lucky her mum covers the 5th day.

I see the CMS as the absolute minimum. This is especially true when DC are at the age where they need childcare. It enables you both to work so should be a joint expense imho.