Am I being unreasonable?

[Tobyjuggler]

What did I do or not do? 51 Minutes ago
Hi, ill condense this as much as possible, have two teenage girls from marriage (wife died) started relationship she has three kids two teenage and an 8year old, my life pretty straight forward go to work nice house car etc kids both go to school.
Love partner to bits however her life difficult on mess for depression eldest kid (17) refused to go to school since 15 middle girl excluded from school due to behavioural issues but recently returned and young child being checked for issues re concentration etc but nice kids.
We decided to try for a baby and after two miscarriages we were pregnant again
The plan was always to buy a bigger house ( using all my money as she has no equity and has poor credit rating) her eldest treats her from what I see with little to no respect and bums money constantly ( smokes marajuana a lot) anyway I have always maintained that we would buy a house next year ( we live 60miles apart) to allow my youngest to finish her GCSE Exams) my partner has asked at least 20 times over the last twelve months when we're buying this house and became very angry about it when I maintained next year.
Since becoming pregnant her son has now(without permission) moved his girlfriend in as well as a pitbull terrier and a snake and to top it off his girlfriend is now pregnant.
I have stood by my partner 100% asked to go to scans etc even bought a pram etc but when I said to my partner that the situation is now different due to son and his "acquired" things she expects me to buy a. House for all of them as she hopes he would find a place of his own but couldn't give a guarantee.
Since then we quabbled over this point and I went home to receive a text saying that we're not getting on and that she would keep in touch to update me regarding our baby (she is now 30 weeks pregnant) and have heard nothing in four weeks and feel that by the tone of her text she doesn't want me to contact her.
Over the last two years I have loved her and her children I have helped each of them in different ways, gone to school meetings,repaired her house,car helped her with work am I being unreasonable or not I'm up most of the night thinking and have been for about the last four weeks?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions on this as I'm concerned that when our baby is born she will just make it difficult for me to see them and I don't know what I have done.
Thanks everybody in advance

You're not being unreasonable, unfortunately it sounds like there's not much you can do to avoid another difficult 18years+

Before ttc you really should have sorted out your blended family issues. I.e. Your parenting standards and what you find acceptable. But it is what it is and you love each other so keep talking and try to find some compromise. But dangerous animals near a newborn I'd veto that.

I ma really sorry you got as far as plannign a family, as my response to the rest of your post is - run a mile.

She has lots of baggage, and a complicated life and it feels as if she wants your money and house.

Now you are bound to her over the baby, which is a mess.

Start putting aside money for child support.

You were mad to even think that bringing a baby into this mess was a good thing for anyone involved. Let alone the poor baby! What on earth were you thinking?

To be honest we got on great but her eldest has become demanding and she constantly bows down to him hence I think why she said nothing re girlfriend and pets, I take it I pay maintenance which I have no issue with and get legal advice regarding access to my child when born?
Is there anything else I should be aware of? If I could I'd have the baby full time.
Thank you

Forgot to say it appears very strongly to me that her middle child (12) has for about the last two moths become (I think ) codependent in that we couldn't go out more than about 15 minutes without a telephone call asking when she would be back and that's if we were able to go out alone. As a result I didn't see the point of going to spend time there as I felt like a third wheel and that I should be home with my own daughters and I believe this is why the relationship began to fall apart.

Blended families are hard work and from what I've seen (from the outside looking in) is that the shit hits the fan when parents are put in the position of 'defending' their children.

I'm probably definitely a difficult twat myself so I'm not going judge your gf but what I will advise is that you focus on I statements and avoid you statements.

Such as I can't feel safe and comfortable with my child in a house with a pitbull/snake rather than you need to sort out your problem son.

IYSWIM.

To be honest I've never commented directly regarding this situation as I thought it would appear obvious that it would be unreasonable on her and her sons behalf to think this was acceptable anyway. All I pointed out was that if we took into account that I have two kids and with her two younger ones plus a baby on the way that way a large but achievable task.
However with her son who has now brought all these fragments into the picture I see it as an impossibility to which she couldn't see my point only retorting that she "hoped" they'd be gone by then but I obviously couldn't buy any house on hopes.

You absolutely absolutely absolutely have to communicate. The postcard perfect intuitive relationship doesn't exist (at least past the honeymoon stage when shit gets real).

You sound like a good father and you're trying hard, but imo it's kinda unreasonable (and unrealistic) to just expect your gf to make decisions you agree with because they're 'sensible'.

Maybe you're incompatible and the honeymoon only ended with the pregnancy (not uncommon). But if you are compatible then you have A LOT of communicating and normalising to do.

By that I take it you're referring to my responsibility of child maintenance?