Am I Normal?

[LineDad]

Hi

First post on here so go easy! ☺

I'm a dad of two lovely boys (3 and 1 year old). I have quite a busy career, so does my wife. We've been married for 4 years. I'm writing this post because I'm looking to talk to others with a bit of anonymity. It's not something I feel great about talking to friends but I have spoken briefly with my brother.

Does anyone else have moments where you feel like you just want a long holiday on your own? I feel terrible saying it as I love my boys and my wife. It just seems like life is so over-consuming sometimes and I just want to pack up and dissappear for a while.

I can work long, long hours and I get home and I have to take my work hat off and put my dad hat on immediately and i find myself getting frustrated as I never seem to be able to relax. I get angry sometimes because I feel like I'm doing most of the work around the house. My wife tries but our one year old is very demanding and has separation anxiety, my eldest is still in the terrible twos. I go a bit quiet while I'm rushing around the house doing washing, cleaning, making dinner etc and as I got into quiet mode it causes arguments.

We've recently had a family holiday abroad and it was difficult. The eldest was a whirlwind of energy and the youngest wasn't really able to get a lot out of it being so young. I had a few moments with the eldest where I've lost it because of his behaviour. Ive not hit him, I couldn't. But I've basically dragged him by the hand back to the hotel room and gave him a massive telling off and he got very distraught. I feel awful about it. But he was being very chaotic, to the point where other people were noticing and tutting (I should say people tutting who didn't have kids with them). I look around and there's other family's sitting there with their kids all nice.

I wonder to myself 'am I a bad dad?' because of this, I should have more patience but our lives are demanding from every angle and I sometimes blow a fuse.

When the youngest was born all was fine but the last 6 months have been hard. Id given up going to the gym where I had been going for 11 years as I literally had no time. I started drinking a bit more, almost every night until recently I've cut back. I just feel like I need a release at the end of the day and I'd replaced the gym with drink.

I'm going on a bit now sorry but in just wondering if anyone else ever feels like this. I feel life is going 1000mph and I'm struggling to keep up. I'm not depressed but it does get me down sometimes.

Anyways thanks for reading if you've got this far!

Hmmm, I don't know... I think this separate holiday idea is a terrible one.

My suggestion would be to go on holiday somewhere where there is an awesome kids club. Or hire a nanny to take on holiday with you. Holidays are not relaxing when you have kids, unless you have help.

You sound like every single parent with small children. It’s hard, and that’s it. Could you try and arrange both of you having a couple of hours a week in your own to go running or have a drink with friends. As a Mum, I’m pretty sure your DP feels the same way.

Yep. This is my life too. It’s hard, it’s tough but I know as my 2 and 4 year olds get older it will get easier. I have been cycling for a few years and joined a club. It meets every Wednesday night. I have a definite event I can plan for each week and my wife knows (and supports) that I will be out. I’ve had a torrid time with depression and this is something that I think most parents go through but don’t admit/realise. Sounds like you are both plugging away as best you can as individuals and it will turn into full on resentment unless you communicate and open up. Believe me, I know that can be the most difficult thing. I still have my own struggles with it, but always best to ask for help from whatever source. We are disastrous in this country at supporting dads, mums do get a lot of the attention but it’s inportant to note that you are equals and both have equal responsibility for the upbringing of your mini-me’s. You both have to take some time for you AND spend family time. Personally, it’s a struggle but I’m now in a position where I can leave work (my wife has a really good job) and look after them. It may be good to look at the whole situation in the longer term (years) and plan some steps around how you get there and what you expect your quality of life to be.