Pregnant girlfriend abuse

[user1499720919]

Im going through a really tuff time atm 20 weeks pregnant and my girlfriend is being really abusive towards me and my family (of which they dont know , only said to me ) , im not perfect i have mood swings etc never abusive , just going quiet or talking under my breath . Not verbally abusive things just random bits gobbledygop yunno . But hey im going through this supposedly great event aswell and its hard at times and nice the others . I just feel there is a complete loose connection between brain and mouth on her , totally attempting to run me into the ground with everything she can find to throw at me , spending ages dragging up past even relationships , then moving onto my own family , just a barage of abuse that anyone in there right mind would not stand for , its like she feels like now shes pregnahnt she can be horrible to me to my life to my family and attempt to character assasinate me , already telling me im a shit father , and that im the cause of eveything , im. From a broken family myself and to hear her say this stuff in a tone that all i can say is not giving a £&@ is truly making me feel like she just wants the child , like shes got wat she wants so i should £&@ off , shes got serious issues and its like if she cant deal with them or she feels embarresed by them that she denies it all and attempts to take it out on me , im at the end of my teather i feel used . Anything i say is changed topic or dealt with silence after a barrage , im beginning to wish i was never born , its a really poor attempt and if i wasnt a nice person and generally a helping guy i would tell her to go , but then id rather be dead than have it all blamed on me and be a £&@ father like the one i knew , sorry to vent but im being used !

That doesn't sound at all healthy, OP. Why is it a question of telling her to go? Could you not leave?

Cus i dont wanna end up a failed father , i have a large threshold for this sort of stuff , its just beginning to feel like a kidnapping , nothings ever good enough and shes acting like a spoiled brat .

Oh I wish someone more knowledgable would come along, but while they don't, my suggestion is that you go for some therapy, while you decide what to do. You are not a failed father just because your relationship with the mother breaks down. You should treat the mother of your child decently and when the child comes treat them decently, but you don't have to hang around to be abused.

I think all you can do for now at least, is try to have a calm, rational conversation and tell her how she's making you feel. Write it as a letter or email to her if you think a face-to-face will just turn shouty to quickly. Tell her what you've said here, that you take a serious approach to your fatherly responsibilities, accept that she's hormonal and stressed at the moment, but that long-term you're not going to stand for abuse. Perhaps even ask her if she wants you to leave? At least then if she does, you know it and if she doesn't, it might make her think a little.

Aside from that, it's wait-out the next six to twelve months and then revisit if nothing's improved.

Pregnancy and young baby times are very trying all round, but no-one should have to take deliberate abuse.

You can still be a good father even if not in a relationship with the mum.

It seems like its all me right now , the old term it takes two too tango doesnt have any weight . I know im not perfect but it takes two . Last night got told i was an embarressment , aswell as aload of verbal abuse , i had an awful night alone feeling generally worthless , there was no contact that evening and then in the morning i get a tx asking to go out for the day , now i feel like if i dont go (only from feeling mixed up from previous evening ) that im prolonging the argument , but in her world it basically means she cant wind me up , call me all the names under the sun , and try to run me into the ground then ring up and act like it didnt happen , and its my fault if i dont just act like nothing happened ....... I went i had fun , genuinely , but hours later decided that i was acting weird and throw me under the bus , even my family are looking at me like im the problem ! Its like im a phyciatrist rather than a human being , im just worryingly causous permanently , thankyou for your replys , some are hard to read but thats how it should be i suppose , i need all options here , cus if left to me i will be wondering if there is a god !

Sounds like my situation. It's seemingly ok for women to be emotionally abusive, her amazing solution was "stop pissing me off then". I tried to tell her to think how it would be if the roles were reversed but she ignored me and the conversation ended with her telling me to sort attitude out?

I never shout, I can't deal with conflict at all with anybody I just shutdown.

I do everything in the house except cook (her choice). Sometimes I don't see jobs immediately but she doesn't think she should have to tell me.

At the end of my tether at a time which should be the happiest of our lives, she's 20 weeks pregnant.

Oh, that is hard too, DoormatBob. Excuse me for addressing you both jointly, but have your partners always been abusive to you? Or have they gone off the rails since they got pregnant?

I don't think it is good for anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, frankly, but if this is a temporary blip...