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Original poster

A real dilemma of my own design - father

33 replies

Cableties99 · 19/12/2015 14:31

Ok so I'm not expecting any pity or sympathy for this.. It isn't the point in writing.

I'm 23 years old, my ex is 24. Me and my ex were together for 2 years up until August 2014. To say our relationship was turbulent was an understatement... We were on, we were off and fought like wild cats. But deep down no matter how bad we argued we loved eachother and found our way back.

In the July of 2014 my ex announced that she had slept with someone else once while we were 'on a break' which completely broke my heart. And in August she sat me down and told me she was pregnant.

Now comes the biggest mistake I could have made - I freaked out, panicked.. Got into 'I can't do this' mode and left, we argued some more, she shouted abuse at me so I cut all communications with her off - knowing she was pregnant. Despite loving her to pieces I had a complete meltdown

It's been 10 months since we last had contacted, her child has been born and is 8 months old. The other day I get a text from her from a new number and we chatted for days and days.. Like old times.

The other day she broke the news to me that the person she slept with is not her child's father and I am, and that I should go around to her house to talk things through, so I did

I spent the day at her house, we chatted, had a couple of drinks and she told me how much she misses me and to cut a long story short I stayed the night. And the following morning, I met her son who looks EXACTLY LIKE ME and she is absolutely without a doubt sure he's mine.

Here's my dilemma - I haven't been around for 10 months, and I don't know this child. However my ex CHOSE to introduce me to him yesterday and let me spend an entire day with them both. To my surprise, when I returned home she instantly went on the offensive and told me 'you haven't been around for this long, don't expect to see him again it was a mistake introducing you and i don't want you around again'

What do I do??? I still love this girl to bits, and I think the feeling is mutual.. However she is so angry at me and after introducing me to 'my son' she is now refusing to let me have any further contact

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 27/12/2015 13:00

Talk to a solicitor ASAP. That is if you actually want to do real work to build a relationship. If you what an easy way out this is it.
Otherwise see a solicitor. Also make yourself look good. Message her asking for her bank details so that you can financially help her. It doesn't have to be a lot. Just showing that you've done that will be good. Go to your solicitor saying you know contact has to be built up and that you know it will be supervised and that everything you want to do is for the child's bet interests.

VikingVolva · 27/12/2015 13:08

I think you need to go and see a solicitor, to see what the options are.

If the child is yours, pay maintenance. Start saving now to pay off the backlog of unpaid CM so far and check CSA, or whatever it's called now, to establish the minimum the state would force you to pay in CM and make sure at least that amount will be consistently available.

Contact arrangements are separate from CM. Is there any possibility of the two parents agreeing to mediation on this?

Fugghetaboutit · 27/12/2015 13:15

Stop communication with her and see a solicitor if you want a relationship with your son.

Taylor22 · 27/12/2015 13:16

I'm not sure there will be a backlog. But ability get a DNA test. I know you think he's yours but how will you feel in 18/20 years if it comes out he's not.

Penfold007 · 27/12/2015 13:30

OP your ex has been given some very flawed 'legal advice'. You need to get legal advice and work towards getting DNA tests done as until then you will never know if you are the child's father or not. If you are the father then you need to be contributing financially then you can request access to the child.

Goingtobeawesome · 27/12/2015 18:04

Calm down Tony Hmm. I clearly said the MOTHER is not entitled to maintenance. Obviously the baby is.

TonySopranosVest · 27/12/2015 18:27

Don't try and patronise me, you're not very good at it. I know very well what you said as its there in black and white. Charming as it is.

Of course the mother is entitled to the CM Hmm how do you think it works? That you give the money for milk directly to the child to go and buy?

Goingtobeawesome · 27/12/2015 18:53

Oh dear.

Do I really need to explain? The mother complained he hasn't provided for her, I pointed out he doesn't have too. He is only financially responsible for the child's items.

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