Would love fathers views on this please

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Hi
Ex husband and I split 6 months ago, I initiated the split for a number of reasons. Ex refused to leave so the boys and I stayed temporarily with my dad then found a flat to rent. We attended mediation but it's broken down. Ex sees nothing wrong with the fact that he is living in a mortgage-free 3 bedroom house whilst his 2 young children live in a rented 2 bedroom flat. He flat out said there was nothing wrong with it.

The house is mortgage free because he and his brother inherited it, but he never lived in it before we all moved into it together.

I'm so furious with him, but I'd love to hear some male opinions.

I'll answer any questions, if anyone thinks I've missed out something vital.

Why don't they ring him if the love phoning people so much?

My two dc share a room in a two bed flat with no garden and this hasn't damaged them. Private renting you have choice so keep a look out for a small two bed house to rent if your desperate for a garden.

Them living with you in a flat until finances are sorted isn't a huge problem imo.

I know it's hard right now, but try to set aside "what you would do" if you were him.

If the DCs don't seem bothered not receiving phone calls from their dad, then leave it - and if they ask to speak tohim, help them to do so.

I have 50:50 care of my DD, and her Dad has always called her at set times/days during "my" week, whereas, more often than not, I don't have contact with her while she's at her dads.
She's happy with both arrangements - now she's older, she initiates contact independently if she wants to, but she's adapted and isn't damaged by it.

In relation to your housing situation, I think you need to give yourself time to grieve for the life you thought you would have and come to terms with the alternative. hopefully, in time, you'll come to accept that while you don't agree with your ex's choices, he has perfectly valid and reasonable (in his eyes) reasons for doing what he's done, and it won't matter to you that you don't agree. But it will take time.

One bedroom for two boys is perfectly fine, even for teens

Agreed brother and me grew up in one room.

As I said earlier, I think its purely him spitefully saying 'you left me' so in his mind he thinks you should be grateful for ever he gives you. Which is obviously wrong, when people split people go crazy/you see what they are really like.

As others have mentioned, get on to solicitor, and get this all sorted out.

Point is he wants you to suffer. His mind will have computed the following -

It's my house not hers.
If she is bothered about the kids not living here then they can come and live with me and she can stay in the flat on her own.
I haven't really got the time or inclination to be the primary residential parent but hell, if it pisses her off then I'll make it work somehow.
If she lives here and I move out I have no hope in hell of ever getting this house back. Least if I have to sell up she will only get half of half the equity and she can find some shithole to live in whilst I get on with my life.

I imagine he is hell bent on making your life painful now and probably hasn't given the children a second thought. His rationale will probably be to try and force you to let the children live with him and save himself a maintenance bill.

He's obviously being a twat. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it. Other than do the best for you and your kids when it gets round to talking settlements. If you do end up in front of a judge then I doubt he'd look kindly on effectively forcing his children out of their home. Keep records of anything. He will lie. So if you prove he's lying then that's more that goes against him.

I don't see the issue with him staying in the house. It's his house, which he inherited and therefore did not purchase with your help. Nothing should oblige him to leave it. In fact, if the law does require it to be split 50/50 you would get a massive (and in my view unfair) windfall gain from his inheritance.

However, if he requires his own children to stay in inferior accomodation because he won't pay for it or let them live in the house, he's being a twat.