Advice from new dads needed please

[beehappybe]

Hi guys, an expectant mum here, can anyone please recommend a book for newly expectant father that is not patronising, that does not play on stereotypes and that is not trying to be stupidly funny?

My husband tried to read some of the stuff on pregnancy designed for men that is available online and in the Emma’s diary but he says it’s all written for idiots.
I have tried reading some of it and find it patronising as it assumes the “archetypical cave man”; the father waiting in the delivery room smoking a pipe and reading a paper while his wife is going through labour…
I am looking for a modern and intelligent book – a guide for men during pregnancy.
Anything you read while your other half was expecting that you found helpful (and why) or that you read and found stupid (and why).
Thank you.

I found one in waterstones called pregnancy for men,the whole 9 months im not sure who it was by but it was quite light hearted but covered a lot. Maybe look it up and reed the reviews and see if its what you are looking for.

Read sorry????

thanks flowerpower, as I have also posted on the mumsnet side I got quite a few other responses,copying these here in case anyone ever stumbles upon it and looking for a book for new dads:

The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know

Pregnancy For Men: The whole nine months by Mark Woods

Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years by Neil Sinclair

Fantastic First-Time Father (50 Things You Really Need to Know) by Tim Mungeam

Baby Manual by Ian Banks

Bumpology by Linda Geddes (not spec. for men)

Birth Skills book by Juju Sundin (not spec. for men)

Womanly Art of Breastfeeding La Leche League International and Diane Wiessinger (not spec. for men)

My Pregnancy 2014: The latest research and advice on your pregnancy and birth (not spec. for men)

just to add not all books deliver in what I was looking for (i.e. no stereotypes) but different things suit different people...

I found Commando Dad: How to be an Elite Dad or Carer. From Birth to Three Years by Neil Sinclair good.

What's wrong with books written for mothers? Surely that will tell him what a woman is going through as well as a book for men?

It shouldn't matter but the language used can be less engaging as the female experience is obviously different in some respects to the man.

Also I found the positive language in the commando books good as men are often portrayed in society by default as crap and/or its acceptable to be crap.

But the man's experience all relates to the woman's experience until birth - once its born, its parenting. There are no mother or father roles.

My husband was given 'the new father. A dad's guide to the first year'
He did read if for the first few weeks/months whilst we found our flow.
It has sections for each month, like what baby can do, what you may be feeling and how your partner may be feeling. It was actually pretty spot on with my mood swings, panic modes and insecurities

If I had a pound for everytime MIL's family said I'm babysitting........

In week was chatting to a new colleague about my age whose Dc's couple yrs older, and she used language like "hands on dad", just because I look after DC while DP works at weekend as child care is so expensive. To me its just parenting but its still given different status.

I agree society does split the roles, but we should not be encouraging it with different books.

I have to say I read a bit of commando dad at someone else's house and I found it laughable and slightly depressing the way it felt the need to dress up patenting duties in ridiculous military metaphors. Like you can only get us dads to understand if you make parenting sound like full metal jacket. Slightly infantile IMHO. I agree with just reading the books not aimed specifically at dads.

With the exception of physically carrying the baby and breastfeeding there is nothing that a woman can do that a man can't in relation to parenting.

However the reality in our society is different and as BreakingDad77 says the same activity is ascribed different status depending on whether it's performed by "mum" or "dad". I expect it's frustrating for fathers who just want to be parents but women get the other side of this (the frowned upon "working mum" for example).

I think intelligent books written for men which don't portray men as the cavemen (who are only good for putting their feet up, drinking beer and watching TV) but rather as parents equally capable and responsible for bringing up their children are one of the many stepping stones for societal and attitude change. (Not that I have found such a book, yet).

Maybe one day we will have a society where it will be normal for both parents to equally share parental leave and dad's will not be glorified for being able to change a nappy or "babysitting" their own kids but for now it's simply not the case-we are in a process of change.

My DH bought the commando dad book-I must say we both dislike the military metaphors (referring to the mother as Commanding Officer!??) BUT I personally find the bullet pointed lists and tables quite useful-simple list of common pregnancy symptoms with causes, great. Many of the books written for mothers are very wordy and have genius advise like "take a long bath if you are feeling stressed". It just makes you feel like they are written for someone that does not use their brain or common sense.

I believe there is a place for pregnancy books written for men-there is simply no way that a man and a woman will be experiencing the pregnancy the same way.

But men do not experience pregnancy at all, except through the changes in their partners.

Hi, my wife is expecting her first child early next year and I found picked up 'diary if a desperate dad' by Sam Jackson on Friday and finished it on Sunday! It is a fantastic book written with humour but also loads of good advice! It has also led to .e starting a blog of my thoughts and questions in the run up to ur first child. I was mainly writing it so I would have some thing to look back on but feel free to take a look! howtotrainadad.wordpress.com/