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Confused - men's opinion please

6 replies

confusedbyhim · 09/10/2006 14:48

want a mans opinion. basically I got too close to a male colleague, we're both married with children.

He told me he thought he was falling in love with me, and on numerous occasions we decided whatever we had would end and we'd just be friends.

It has been on and off, texts have still been coming and regular chats that would occasionally stray into flirting, bordering on text sex. Physically we did no more than kiss, but I think he'd have gone further if I'd let him, anyway I didn't.

I am prepared for us to be just friends, I do miss him, and I miss that side, but it wasn't right and he's not mine, I'm not his, and we both have marriages that we don't want to lose.

At one point it was very intense, lots of texts, emails, at home, to say good morning, good night and just to say hello.

The texts stopped, contact outside of work hours stopped, but we'd have generally chatty emails in work.

Now here's why I'm confused - after all of the talk about remaining friends he has stopped all contact with me, apart from having to be civil to me in work when we come into contact.

What is going on ? I don't want to ask him as I don't think I should, but how can he say he wants to be friends and then so clearly doesn't.

Have I been used and when he's realised we're not going to jump into bed he's trying to let me down gently ?

OP posts:
MwaHaHappyDaddy · 09/10/2006 16:19

Let you down gently? No.

Despite what he said, he wanted you for sex. Now he knows he won't get it, he's cut you off.


Piffle · 09/10/2006 16:20

Agree with HD

lulunaticmama · 09/10/2006 16:23

also think you might want to look at why you wanted something from this man.....

sounds like you have developed feelings for him ,that weren't reciprocated...still, it's hard to take isn;t it, still feels like a rejection.

not a man obviously...but there;s my opinion none the less...

Lact8 · 09/10/2006 16:26

I reckon you just go phew, thank feck I didn't get any further involved with him tbh

If he can cut you off just like that then it does seem he was only after one thing from you I'm afraid

confusedbyhim · 09/10/2006 17:01

thanks for that, and I know why I allowed myself to get involved, very rocky patch in my marriage, which is all now back on track, which is why Im happy for "it" to be over and happy to be friends with no more. I know I was vulnerable when this happened.

he has always maintained he is happily married so no idea why he wanted something - looking back you are all right he did just want sex.

yes it is hard to take, and it does feel like a rejection, especially after he was saying we'd always be friends, he thought I'd be a life long friend etc etc, I've been stupid and believed him but obviously friendship wasn't on his mind.

I am glad I didn't have a physical relationship with him, and I know I'll get over this, just hard seeing him and thinking about what he said and now it's as if I'm just anyone, when I'm supposed to have been someone IYSWIM

OP posts:
Pann · 09/10/2006 20:31

Swimming against the tide here.....

you don't know he just wanted sex.

if he had deeper feelings for you at one time, they may re-surface for him, and he is being v. careful about that.

or..he has re-invested with his wife, regrets his involvement with you, and is keen to re-affirm his fidelity to his wife, which means excluding you.

tbh a bit frank, it sounds a shade of having your cake and wanting to eat it.

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