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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

Female friends - do you have them?

21 replies

UnquietDad · 20/08/2006 00:29

Quite a few of my closest friends are women, some from university days and some from after. In my late teens and 20s, I used to find female friends easier to talk to about "emotional stuff".

The three in whom I confide the most these days, though, are male - I've known them all for around 15-20 years and know they are on my wavelength.

Just wondered if that was common? Anyone find the fancying/not fancying thing gets in the way? (DW isn't the jealous sort, luckily.) For some people it is a total no-no - DW's brother, for example, would never have a friend who was female - it would just seem odd in the circles he moves in, and everyone would assume that they were doing the dirty. DW says his wife would never "allow" him to have a woman friend!

It's odd, but most of my other male friends are known in "isolation" from each other: if I go out for a beer with another bloke it'll usually be just the two of us, whereas a larger group will inevitably be mixed.

OP posts:

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olivia35 · 20/08/2006 00:57

From a female point of view:

Dh is good mates with his ex-boss, an EXTREMELY attractive woman. They have a boozy lunch every few months & he's going to the wedding of an ex-colleague with her next month, which involves an overnight hotel stay.

Doesn't bother me at all. We married when he was late 20s & I was early 30s, so we've both got opposite sex friends.

To be honest, I'd be put off by a bloke my age who DIDN'T have female friends.

UnquietDad · 24/08/2006 23:22

Interesting point, yes. I find it odd that BIL doesn't have any woman mates - he'd find it odd that I do.

OP posts:

HyacinthB · 25/08/2006 00:09

From another female pov - I'm like your BIL's wife who won't allow him to have female friends.

I'm comfortable with the one female friend that dh has (ex colleague who lives with her lesbian lover).

I've no particular desire to have a 'male' friend either

Dare say I'll be parodied as Victorian!

babywhiting · 25/08/2006 00:12

no way my dp has a female friend but i wont agree to like her or even meet her . as far as i'm concerned he doesn't need a female friend he's got me !!!!

Alibaldi · 25/08/2006 00:18

I didn't mind H having what i thought was a really good female friend until it turned out to be more than that so think I'll be more cautious if I'm up against this one again with him. As for me yes I have opposite sex friends and I think it's very very important as long as you don't cross the line.

UnquietDad · 25/08/2006 11:36

I think it's almost impossible if you've been to university not to come away with a group of friends of both genders. Whether you stay with them as you settle down, get married, etc. is another matter. DW's brother has always lived and worked in the same small town, so it would seem odd for him to have female friends, I suppose - the only women he knows are his wife's friends and other blokes' wives and girlfriends.

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alexw · 25/08/2006 12:42

I (female) have a really close male friend which dh has no probs with. I think gender is irrelevant.

themoon66 · 25/08/2006 13:29

I have a handful of male friends and DH is fine about them all. I would never ever even consider shagging any of them as they are too precious to lose as friends.

Panboy · 26/08/2006 16:17

I have lots of female friends and learn so much from them.

Many women I know have said they wish they had more female friends. I have NEVER heard a man say "I wish I had more male friends"..just doesn't appear to work the same way. IMHO

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 16:34

LOL! How topical.

I always had more male friends when younger. The male friends I have now, one or two I know their partners quite well as well. The ones who's partners I havent met, are the ones who arent keen on them having female friends IME.

I think its good to have a mix. I find it odd that people find it odd not to iykwim?

Panboy · 26/08/2006 16:38

VVV - why is it topical??

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 16:43

Topical for me. Have been discussing similar with a friend on email

Panboy · 26/08/2006 16:45

oh I see......thanks. I did think it was posible you were referring to something/anything else. Cheers.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 26/08/2006 16:51

No problem.

chocybickie · 26/08/2006 16:59

i only have male friends. i'm female btw.
my closest friend is currently having a continuing row with his girlf as she won't let him see me. but he refuses to bow to her pointless jealousy... for now.

AvaLou · 30/08/2006 17:37

I think it's a good thing. I much prefer DH to go out with his female friends as they tend to go to the cinema or for a couple of drinks, whereas with his male friends he ends up getting silly drunk, eating a rat burger from a van in the street and getting in at 3am.

I have a lot of male friends too and I enjoy going out with them, as with my female friends we always just end up talking about children.

kitegirl · 30/08/2006 17:42

my DH has female friends and they are all lovely and only one tried to shag him - as far as I know . Similarly, I love going out with my guy friends as we don't talk about babies, we talk about music and extreme sports and drink shots. All good and healthy in my view. I think when we were in our 20's there was a lot of flirting going on both ways but now, post kids, everyone settled with families, it all would seem rather silly!

UnquietDad · 30/08/2006 22:52

Is that a good ratio, kitegirl?

OP posts:

FloatingOnTheMed · 03/09/2006 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2ndtime · 06/09/2006 20:26

My 1st DH remained friends with his first love for years after they split up. I refused to meet her in a childish insecure way because I didn't want to see another woman he had loved and slept with. Sounds silly now but I was very young.(19-23).
Anyway, when my DH died, 10 years ago, his former girlfriend was asked to the funeral and I met her for the first time. I was stunned to find that she never stopped loving him, but we quickly became firm friends, united by our love for him and our great loss.
All these years later we are still in contact and I'm sorry that I wasn't grown up enough to accept her back then because she is a wonderful person who just happened to adore my husband almost as much as I did. We can happily talk about what a truly amazing man we both had, and she is one of the few people still happy to have a good cry with a bottle of wine and the photo album.

2ndtime · 06/09/2006 20:30

I have to add that 10 years on I have no problem what so ever with my 2nd DH having female friends.
The only problem is he quizzes me about any hint of a male name on my mobile or emails! If only I could enlighten him.

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