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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

The men's room?

19 replies

Dick · 07/07/2006 09:41

Does that mean we come in here to talk about last nights football making sure we don't accidently glance at another mans nudger while inhhaling the delightful smell of rancid piss and urinating in a trough.

The cyber things you can do these days, the internet is a marvellous place.

OP posts:

Report

Greensleeves · 07/07/2006 09:51

"nudger"?

puff · 07/07/2006 09:52

Have any real men dared to venture in here yet?

Dick · 07/07/2006 09:54

I am going to get a " real" man to start a thread on here this evening and see what fascinating thing he can come up with. He's my mate of course as i am a real man.

OP posts:

Alan · 07/07/2006 09:59

dont forget everytime we meet one of wifes friends husband all we have to talk about is work

Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 12:06

I think this is where the DWs come to ask men what they really think on an issue, which is fine by me.

Personally, I wonder if this is the perfect place for a completely anonymous debate amongst blokes on some of the issues that we would never discuss with our RL male friends.

Possible examples:

labour from the bloke's POV (with a big side-bar on the transition phase)
why blokes use porn (and how it really makes them feel before during and after)
How to avoid domestic resentment by balancing helpfulness(obedience?) with initiative

These are subjects that have come up in the other chatrooms on MN from the women's point of view. Could this be the ideal forum for some non-judgmental discussion??

Salamander · 07/07/2006 13:16

Possibly Rollingpapa... possibly.

What are your thoughts on those self-same subjects?

Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 14:35

Labour for blokes
First LO on the way in weeks, so you're talking to an amateur here. I've got the theory, but...

Do all women tear into you when they hit transition? Have to say I'm a bit nervous about what she's going to come out with during that bit. The way people talk about it, it's almost like the woman becomes possessed!
What and why porn
Judging from posts (and from experience) I'd say there is a huge amount of timeout/escape/denial going on when guys use this stuff. It's literally a fantasy world, a cartoon, if you like. Nothing is real. You're in control, and everything is "fun".

And I get the impression that the people who really get into it are really the ones who have trouble dealing with real life. NTSL, SAS and plenty others certainly could vouch for that.

This suggests a lot of people out there who may need counselling, or at least may need to address their approach to pressure.

Speaking from experience, you never feel better (or "relieved") immediately after using porn, just... jaded.
Domestic balance
Still working on this one! Sense that there's a big difference in perception on MN about what the roles/rules are on this one, though...

Back to the group for discussion!

Salamander · 07/07/2006 15:14

RollingPapa!

You have put things very well - truly insightful.

Congrats on the first! When, what, where, why?

It's our first too and I have to say I 'know' that I don't know what i'm letting myself in for!
It is going to be a trip.

I don't know what it's going to be like during labour for me or she. I hope quick and low on the pain-threshold.

When the little bundle pops out - oh my goodness! Well, steep learning curve I would say. All the books, videos, advice in the world will vanish into the cloudy smoke that is my new-father mind... i'm sure!

HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 15:24

Hi guys and gals.

1 - Labour. When DW was screaming the place down I was sitting by her side and being berated by the midwife as I kept falling asleep!

2 - Porn. I agree with Rollingpapa in the main but I do usually feel "relieved" after "using" porn. I only use it if i fancy a tug and the house is empty. Bit sad if it's being viewed just for the sake of it.

3 - After a couple of years of being told when and what stuff needed doing I decided that it wasn't so hard to actually pay attention! Now I get browny points for doing stuff.

Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 15:29

Hey Salamander, congrats on yours. just so exciting. So here's the scoop on us:

37 weeks 5 days...
Nearly 7 lbs (already)...
Don't know what it will be (drumroll, please)...
Apparently it's 3/5 engaged...
Hospital bag is half-full ...
And we haven't even decided on a name yet!!!

I know what you mean about "knowing" that you don't know.

I get a lot of long, meaningful nods (and smiles) from other dads when I say this is my first. They nod and they smile, and they come out with that $64,000 line...

"Everything will change."

If I had a pound for every time I've heard that line, I wouldn't need to read the MN "money" section!

meowmix · 07/07/2006 15:30

transition neednt turn your dw into a screaming harpy - I was pretty quiet throughout (thats how I deal with agonising pain generally.....) but my DH swears that at one point my head swiveled round exorcist style and I growled "make it stop" .... which he found quite scary.

HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 15:32

Aside from the jokes, my dw did learn how to push with the pain, as opposed to fighting against it. She said the whole thing was much easier then.

She was 8cms dilated when we reached the hospital, though. I'm assuming that's way past this "transition" period?

Salamander · 07/07/2006 15:41

LOL Meowmix.

Thanks RollingPapa for the congrats.

"oh you just wait..."

"might as well enjoy THIS birthday coz next year..."

"better get used to sleepless nights..."

and many more helpful phrases have been heard over and over and over

HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 15:46

Congrats Salamander, from me too.

At my old firm we could always tell the new dads as they all walked around like zombies. We used to compete to see who was surviving on the least sleep.

Us blokes will get competitive about ANYTHING!

Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 15:48

HappyDaddy --

OMG that's another thing - sleep! Have to say my hat's off to you for having a kip during labour. Naughty to say, I know, but some midwives I know would have been delighted and just cracked on with it!
SWYM. I suppose it's over-use that is sad (good word for it). I was never really comfortable with it all (RC background coming in there), hence jadedness(?).
Will remember that. Reminds me, they interviewed a couple who had been married eighty years recently. They asked the husband what his secret was. His response:

'Two words: "Yes, dear".'

Makes sense. It's the DW who channels the vast majority of info within and through a household, so she's gonna know what's best for the big picture.

HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 15:51

I did feel guilty for falling asleep, i was supposed to be supporting her.

Salamander · 07/07/2006 15:56

I really know people don't mean any harm, but the 'helpful' sayings and advice REALLY don't help.
My DW said to me "Your birthday next year will CERTAINLY be about you - ignore them" so i'm sticking with that.

On point 3 - i totally agree!

and thanks HappyDaddy

FloatingOnTheMed · 07/07/2006 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salamander · 07/07/2006 16:49

Hi FloatingOnTheMed

Are you really Floating on the Med?

I think RollingPapa was just joking.

Of course it is what needs to be done - the wee babby is 50/50 - yours and your DW's - the house is 50/50 - your marriage should be 50/50 too.

I know that - but in actual fact i try and make it more like 60/40 in DW's favour. Only seems fair!!

Flip

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