Having a daughter..

[ukfirestorm]

My wife is expecting a girl in May, whats it like to have a daughter? I excited but am concerned that I dont want to impose a pink princess idea of being a girl, if that makes sense, any thoughts?

I struggled with the idea of having a daughter. Just couldn't relate to it at all. But once she arrived you couldn't not love her. The first few months gender is irrelevant and then you just find your own relationship with each other.

and after that?

I'll have to let you know. This is where I'm at at the minute

We had two sons and then two daughters. Frankly for the first few years there is little difference.

I'd say definitely don't impose any "girlie" stereotypes on her, in the same way that I would try not to impose "boy" stereotypes on a boy. They should all find their own way.

Just let them blossom.

And what's it like to have daughters? Absolutely wonderful! Just like a father/son relationship is something special, a father daughter relationship is equally special, and in some ways more so.

I'm very happy and excited for you and also a little jealous!! Role on May......

I have a daughter and its brilliant. I dont have a son so cant compare but I would think that there arent too many differences.

I hate all the whole pinkification gender stereotyping girls are subjected and immersed in as well. My advice would be to take note of the issues but not to be over-exuberant in your distaste. Visit www.pinkstinks.co.uk/

Get your wife and family onside as they might buy lots of pink. Baby clothes can be bought in neutral white, or buy boys things as well as girls. My little one now takes part in football and sports like that as well. She also likes things like dolls and Peppa pig but all harmless I think.

My DH seems to adore having a DD but as we only have a girl, I cant compare.

We I try hard to avoid princessy frillness, and DH just finds it funny. Other people buy pink stuff and I buy neutral stuff. Neither of us ever refer to her as a princess or similar.

Never ever tell her she can't do X or can't have Y "because she is a girl".

Ooh and go into H&M for clothes - great non fussy clothes.

thanks guys

The way i see it is you can do everything that you do with a boy and more. Anything goes.

My dd plays with cars, stunt rides her rideon motobike, goes swimming, loves clibming and chews on ds's avanger actionmen.

My job as a mum is to support and prodive every oppertunity i can. Same as my son. As young children they are treated the same. When your dd gets older follow her lead and set healthy boundaries.

Congrats on pg

My dd 'contracted' her pinkification from we think contaminated children at her nursery. Her mother hates gender stereotyping while I'm a little more laid back about it so it deff wasn't us, it was all dd led.

However, it doesn't stop us playing in the woods (because that's where fairies live) on swings or playing football with her Hello Kitty ball (and I hate football).

Having a daughter is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. Don't worry for a second (save that until she becomes a teenager!).

thanks peter

Peterpan - yep agree about the nursery "contamination". Unless you are thinking of home schooling and isolating your child from the rest of society (which for the record I think is just bizaare and unhealthy), your child/children is/are likely to be heavily influenced by their peers and the world around them.

There is so much stereotyping out there that it actually means we as parents should be doubly conscious of treating our boys and girls completely the same, giving them the opportunities to do as many different things as possible and challenging the garbage they get fed in wider society.

Saying all that, I'm in a position where my two boys now play rugby and my two girls do ballet. Does that make me a failure in this respect? Maybe. I love rugby - the boys have picked up on that and have chosen that this it what they want to do. On the other hand, my wife has got zero interest in ballet or "pink things" and our girls have been wanting to do ballet for a long time and now love it.

On the plus side, our older girl wants to start rugby now.

All very thought provoking. Good luck :)

My DD's 11 now. The pink'n'sparkly period lasted a few years but she is, in her own words, "So over that daddy". Although I did see a little 3yo girl in the school playground a while back, standing there in a princess dress, fairy wings and wellies and it did bring a smile to my face when I remembered that when DD was tiny she would sometimes decide that that was how she was going to dress to tackle the day as well. Fads like these tend to come and go; don't make too big a deal of it regardless and the attraction will fade a lot more quickly.

To be honest I think there's less difference between boys and girls than there are between individual children if you see what I mean. DD does what activities she wants - sometimes it's been dance, sometimes it's been football, currently it's Guides, drama and archery. DS plays football with his mates and goes to Scouts.

I do try really hard to treat both DD and DS the same but I must admit I do sometimes find myself talking to them differently. Partly it's because DS is 14 now so I have more of a matey relationship with him. We have similar senses of humour and at least some similar interests so it's easy to chat to him about that kind of stuff. But I do find it harder to have a more touchy-feely conversation with him, not for want of trying on my part but because he clams up within seconds. Chatting while we're alone in the car works better with him.

DD, by contrast, could talk the hind legs off a donkey and her life is an open book. She knows she can talk to me about anything and everything and, quite frankly, it's getting her to shut up for long enough to either draw breath or to allow me to get a word in that's often the challenge. She's "easier" in the respect that I always know what's going on with her but then DS is "easier" in that he's more self-reliant. Swings and roundabouts.

But I do work hard at making sure I tell both of them that I love them lots of times a day and DS will still get in a sneaky hug when he thinks no-one's looking

Kids, in general, are great. Doesn't matter about what sex they are. Enjoy your daughter for who she is rather than worrying about gender stereotyping. Congratulations!

I was quite horrified to find I had boys tbh!
I was most concerned about what to dress them in
But, you soon find, when you go to the shops, that you choose what you want initially.
It wont be long though, before they have their own input into everything, including clothes.

I'd like to comment as a daughter my dad had me and younger sister ... early childhood was fab we played football with him and had all sorts of fun not any different than if he had boys ... we still had dolls and dresses too ...it went a bit wobbly around teenagehood...I wish he had spoke more I would have liked to talk things through with my dad as well as mam ... coming out the other end 17 we used to go and watch rugby together and my relationship with him has blossomed ...I spent today walking and talking with him and my 10wk old dd ...who he adores too!

goldplated h&m non fussy...my dd has tiger print outfit from there.
just cos she is a girl doesn't mean pink and doesn't mean boring either.
for some fun bandana bibs check out funky giraffe you can see what sort of fun stuff baby can wear pink t rex or skull designs ...pirates are not just for boys!!

I have two of each.
They are all so different from each other . Their gender is unimportant.

The two most alike are my elder son and youngest daughter.

Congratulations

i have a 17month old daughter. i was a bit worried if it was to be a girl...
the way i rationalised it, if we had a boy, i would know what to do as i have younger brothers, and obv because i am male...
and if we had a girl, my wife would know what to do as she helped raise her much younger sister...
my daughter is a bit young for gender stereotyping, so i cant advise on that... but i love her with my whole being, she copies me shadowboxing and kicking, she looks great in pink but also in baggy jeans and sweatshirt... i love hanging out with her.
we are thinking of adding a sibling next year, and my wife asked if i would prefer a boy... to be honest, while it would be nice to have one of each, i dont care anymore, so long as he or she is healthy and happy, i know we will have great times.
congrats btw.

From what i have seen littke girls live their daddy and little boys are very close to mummy. We have a DD and her little face just lights up when she sees daddy. I don't really care about all this 'gender stereotyping' blah... All i know is from my experience this is what i have observed.

Commenting from mum viewpoint.
Our DS takes completely after me so although he and his father have a great relationship, they don't have many hobbies to share.
However, DH and DD are like peas in a pod. They love fast cars, they build things together, they fix stuff, they both love mud and crap and wearing wellies all the time, they love the purgatory that is camping. You can probably tell she never went through a pink phase.
DS and I will have a civilised glass of wine, and civilised conversation whilst They are haring around the garden with power tools.

I have two dd's (3.5 and 1) with DH, they are completely Daddy's girls. They both love rough and tumble games and silliness which DH is just frankly better at than me. Older one loves digging with sticks, mud, football, puddle jumping, climbing, but she also loves princess dresses and ballet.

Be prepared to join in the odd teddy bear picnic and playing with dollies. You will get lots of lovely kisses and cuddles too.

DH has an older boy and girl too, he said he wanted another girl for dc4. Although he has said he is slightly worried about having two teenage daughters (I kind of feel sorry for their future boyfriends, they will have to undergo the 'conversation').

My Dad was a single father to me (his daughter) and we did everything together. We'd play football in the living room, followed by dolls house! He helped me build forts out of big lacquered cardboard which would then turn into my own tap dancing stage. He taught me how to play pool and foosball, along with encouraging me to dance and sing and still finding time to build a Noddy car out of a cardboard box and take me to Brownies.

Basically, Girls don't just do 'girly stuff', they can do anything, as long as someone shows them how and supports them. =] So do that, and you'll have a wonderful relationship with your little girl which will last forever. (But don't forget to let Mum get a look in too.)

Congratulations too!

ive got 2 daughters 2 & 4 they both love riding in the digger/van/truck & "helping" dad repair the car or renovating the house. i have also learned how to dress dolly & put her head back on. I also do my fair share of nappies etc. I love being a dad..

Think that you have a baby, then a child, then a teenager, then a peer.

Son or Daughter isn't really important, just look after them when they're little and play with them later, you'll soon take their cues from what they actually enjoy doing.