male perspective needed

[KlickKlackknobsac]

My husband is self-employed.

He works hard and is obsessed with it.
I want him back.
We have been married nearly 20 years, have 3 children.
I also work full time and earn a decent salary.
I am willing to help him, but he is very entrenched in the way he does things, very used to working alone and not at all a team player. He won't alter things even when they are clearly slow/ ineffective. (e.g writing out his job list each morning instead of working on the PC/ spreadsheet and just deleting.)
How can I help him and challenge him, whilst still keeping his self-respect intact and not destroying our marriage in the process?
Help with getting my husband to work less hard and smarter would be much appreciated.

I can only give you a perspective from my side of the fence. I was very work focused for many years (scared of losing my job and not being able to maintain the mortgage) so was always available to do extra hours/overtime ect, this did not always go down well at home. Out of the blue i was made redundant and my world crashed around me. But in the last 3 years although i am a temp i have only been out of work for about 3 weeks so my outlook has changed for the better, no stress about hours and taking work home with me. I supose what i am trying to say is it out of perceived need to maintain a lifestyle or is he most happy when he is working.

You offer to do his job list on a spreadsheet one mornign for him. Once he sees how easy it is, he may change. Prob does not like being told what to do - the beauty of working for one self!

Some men dont like change. So go slowly. Get him to do something for the kids in the morning, even just setting out breakfast or sorting their school bags. Keep him involved but get him to do it to help you, so in roundabout way he is spending time with kids without thinking it is a chore, if that makes sense.

His work can wait 10 minutes is the point, and you will prove that to him by gettign him involved in mornings etc.

Thanks
not sure whether he is most happy when working- he is certainly driven to prove himself.
I will take things slowly.

Well I'm female, but I am self-employed. I still write out job lists on paper, as I find this much easier, I can glance at the list anytime rather than have to faff about on the computer changing tabs, it seems to register in my brain better, I can add little sketches to help me remember things, add new things to the list without having to click on boxes and type, I can still see the things I have done rather than them disappearing from the screen, and at the end of the day I'm left with a column of satisfying ticks which make me feel like I've achieved something.

Maybe your ideas just aren't very helpful with regard to the way his brain and memory work?

I agree he needs to make more time for the family though. Maybe he could formally schedule it into his diary. It's easy for time to slip away when you're self employed and love your work.